How to Cope With Shyness

If you feel that you are one of the few people in the world that is shy, take heart. It is estimated that up to three to four out of every ten people are shy to some degree. This includes both males and females of all ages. Some people cover their shyness with bluster and bravado and some completely avoid social situations where their shyness would be an embarrassment. Neither approach is satisfying.

Instructions

1. First recognize that you are a shy person. Acknowledge that you feel uncomfortable in social situations, more so if some of those present are not known to you and you will be expected to converse with these people.

2. Realize that being shy is nothing to be ashamed of. You were not 'born' shy, but your genetic makeup and inherited temperament do play a small part in whether you may develop into a shy person or not. Early life experiences and family relationships do more to contribute to shyness than does heredity.

   Why you are shy is not important. What you are going to do about it is.

3. Make a plan. Decide that you will work to be more comfortable with yourself in easy attainable steps. If you have one close friend or family member, explain how you feel to them, and enlist their help.

4. Practice first with a group of three, you, your 'buddy' and a friend of your buddy's as yet unknown to you. Prepare with a practiced list of questions for the stranger. Where do you work? Have you worked there long? Is it interesting work? etc. These questions will be turned back on you so have ready answers beyond 'yes' and 'no'. Ask your buddy to be prepared to 'prop you up' if you fall silent. Continue at this level until you are comfortable and then move on to slightly larger groups.

   Do not allow yourself to be pushed. You may never enjoy large gatherings so avoid them. Many people who are not shy do not enjoy large gatherings either.

5. Prepare for the time when you will be ready to attend a slightly larger gathering or even a small party. Read the paper, listen to the news, learn a bit about the political parties in your area, watch the most popular television programs, and go to some of the top movies. This will give you more to talk about and you will relate better to others in the group. You will be able to advance to the 'did you hear?' or 'have you seen?' type question.

6. Attend your first few social get-togethers with your buddy. Arrive early so you will not be overpowered by a milling group. If you see others who are not mingling, these are good targets for your new social skills. Have your buddy stand back but be ready to step in if you are in discomfort. You will soon find your confidence increases and you will be willing to step out alone.

   Let your 'buddy' help you decide on the appropriate attire for the gathering. Never over-dress.

7. Be a good listener. The world if full of talkers so listening skills are a great asset. If you are a good listener, people will enjoy talking to you and you will be comfortable slipping in a few pertinent comments should the opportunity arise.

8. Practice. The best way to practice conversing for a shy person is to volunteer. The best place for this is a senior's facility. Seniors appreciate company. They are generally non-judgmental and you will soon feel comfortable listening and chatting in an atmosphere of minimal pressure.

9. If you have a shy child or friend, do not push them into social situations. Use the ideas above and ease them gradually, but only when they are ready and willing. Shy people are just like everyone else, but they need extra time to adjust to, and feel comfortable with, new situations. They worry more about their appearance, their mannerisms, their voice and their remarks than do others.

10. Don't be upset by such remarks as "Oh, you're so shy". You can say, "Yes, I am shy, but not as shy as I used to be." There is a charming appeal to shy people which is not true of the opposite kind.

Tips & Warnings

• Shy people are not introverts. Introverts are those that are happy within themselves and have no interest in joining the social circle. Shy people, on the other hand, want to join in. They are just uncomfortable doing so and/or don't know how.