How to Cope When Someone Dies

Death is unavoidable and tragic. Sometimes we think we are prepared for it, but when it actually happens it's a huge blow. Or it happens out of the blue, and shocks us to our core. I recently lost someone very suddenly, and I wanted to reach out to others going through the same process. I hope this article can be a comfort to you, and give you some ideas of how to cope with it all.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• healthy distractions
• comfort food
• support
• time

1. 
    
   Take Care

   The most important thing is to take care of the people who are left, especially you. If you allow yourself to waste away you would not be honoring the memory of the person you have lost. They would want you to take care of yourself. If you have children this is doubly important, they need someone to take care of them.

2. 
    
   Delicious Chicken Noodle Soup

   Some ways to do this are pretty basic. Avoid alcohol and drugs (except any medications you have to take). This only prolongs the pain. Take vitamins and keep hydrated. Get enough rest, but also make sure you spend some time in the sunlight. Eat, but in moderation. Choose comfort foods such as baked macaroni and cheese, clam chowder, chicken noodle soup, hot cocoa, or whatever is your favorite.

3. 
    
   Reconnect With Nature

   Use healthy distractions. Spend time with your loved ones and friends. Go back to work if you can, but don't become a workaholic. Watch comedies or favorite movies, get out in nature, pursue a favorite hobby, exercise, listen to peaceful music, read, write, etc.

4. 
    
   Support

   Surround yourself with supportive people. Of course you want to grieve and get your feelings out, but avoid the people who never have anything uplifting to say, and who end up making you feel worse. Some of the best people to be around are those who can relate. Those who have experienced a similar circumstance, or who knew the loved one.

5. 
    

   If you have young kids, try to explain things simply. Death is confusing even to adults. Don't answer questions they didn't ask. If it was someone your kids didn't know they still know you are in sorrow. I kept my loved one's shirt and when my 3 year old asked me about it, he gave me a big hug.

6. 
    
   Being There For Little Ones

   If your kids are grieving, try to keep them active, but don't over do it. Death is a part of life, and they can grow from the experience. Maybe arrange for them to have a sleep over with a good friend, take them swimming, or go to the park. This will only benefit you too. They may just want to cuddle with you and watch movies and that's o.k. too. Monitor them, and talk about it if they want to talk, but give them some space too. If they have any fears, make sure to reassure your kids that they are safe, and so is the rest of the family.

7. Everyone grieves differently, and everyone can be in shock at first. If people around you don't seem to be acting how you think they should don't worry about it. It can take years to process a death, and it goes through many stages. If someone says you aren't acting right ignore them.

8. 
    
   Let The Rain Wash It Away

   Sometimes the person who died caused a lot of pain. After someone dies people have the tendency to lie and say how great they were. While you shouldn't say things you don't believe in now is the time to forgive the person who died. This is the only way you can move on. They can't hurt you anymore. Try to think of anything good they did, and focus on that.

9. 
    
   Relating Memories

   If you felt great love for the person however, do something to remember them. There is usually a memorial service. While it may be hard to talk at one of those, try to. It can help everyone. You could read a poem, or think of some of your best memories to relate. For yourself, you could make a memory book, do something they loved to do, and/or try to get your family to know them by telling stories.

10. 
     
    Helping Hand

    Another way to move on is to help someone else. Reaching out to others can make us forget our troubles for awhile. Either anyone in need, or someone going through a similar circumstance.

11. 
     
    Pen To Paper

    Many people say they wish they had told the person something before they died. People believe different things about what happens after a person dies, but I believe that whatever happens the person now knows how you felt. However, why wait? Make sure you tell the people still around now! Write them a heartfelt letter (emails or texts don't count). Something they can read over and over that expresses your love to them. This way you won't have to feel that guilt again. Try to remember this: "Nothing is formed. Nothing dies. Everything is simply in transition." -Dr. Wayne Dyer

Tips & Warnings

• Go easy on yourself, it takes time to heal.
• If you aren't able to get back to somewhat normal after awhile consider speaking with a counselor.
• Try to pay attention to your surrounding so you don't get hurt. People can be very distracted after death.
• Don't make any immediate big decisions unless you have to, and then get some qualified help.
• Try not to push away those you love, instead support each other.

Resources

• dreamteller's other articles

[dreamteller]

on 10/15/2009 I will be thinking about you and your family!

[highcloud]

on 10/14/2009 Great article. My father is in critical condition right now. We are not sure if he will be able to pull through. I may need your advice soon. Thank you for sharing. 5*

[wisdomseeker]

on 8/24/2009 Inspirational to say the least. What an introspective look into the face of death. I recommend you. Thanks! 5 stars

[littlezelma]

on 8/21/2009 Heartfelt ideas for going forward when the world seems to have come to a sudden halt. Article well writen and thoughtful, 5*

[djackman]

on 8/17/2009 good article on coping with death 5*