How to Comfort a Crying Woman

Just being there for her is usually enough.

Most men have been in the situation at one point or another. Your wife, girlfriend, sister or mother is crying and you have no idea what to do. It seems like anything you might attempt to do could be wrong. There are a few simple things you can do to comfort her, but many things you should not do at all.

Things You'll Need

• Clean handkerchief or tissue

Instructions

1. Stop what you are doing and immediately get up to put your arms around her. You don't have to speak or else you will risk saying the wrong thing. Your goal here is to demonstrate that you are willing to drop anything and everything because her emotions are THAT important to you. Don't roll your eyes, don't sigh and don't complain. Just get up, go to where she is, and hold her or simply sit next to her.

2. Follow her. In some cases, the woman in your life will start to cry and immediately leave the room. This is a test, men. Follow her and stay where she is. This may mean you have to sit outside of the bathroom door for an hour while she cries. Be prepared for this possibility. If you do not follow her, she will wonder why not and start to think you don't care. She might then get furious, and it could go downhill from there.

3. Prepare for the snap. There is a good possibility that you are going to say something during the course of her emotional outburst that will trigger her anger. She isn't truly mad at you. People tend to displace their anger onto those closest to them and a crying woman tends to do this. Let her get angry with you. Don't fight with her. The phrase "Please help me to understand" when spoken gently (not in an exasperated tone) will defuse many angry, crying women.

4. Ask what you can do to help. Wait until the fit has nearly passed to ask this, otherwise you risk her snapping on you. You want to give her a chance to see how supportive and loving you have been. Offer to go get her a coffee or talk to whomever she is having the problem with. It doesn't matter what you offer, just offer something. Your goal in this case is to demonstrate how giving you are when she is hurting.

5. Stay there and stay calm. Do not EVER walk away from a woman while she is crying. Even if she tells you to leave, it's usually just another test. Do not allow yourself to become angry. Just be a calm, steady force that she can lean on until she feels better. This includes if you have to be somewhere -- that's too bad. She might tell you to go ahead and go, but she probably wants to see if you'll stay with her anyway.

6. Know what not to say. A few key phrases must not ever cross your lips while the woman is crying, such as:

   "You'll get over it."
   "It's not that bad."
   "Your timing sucks."
   "Why are you doing this to me?"

   Nonverbal frustration signals like a long, drawn-out sigh are equally bad.

Tips & Warnings

• If you have one on hand, a clean handkerchief or tissue is always appreciated by a crying woman.

References

• Esquire: How to Console a Crying Woman

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish