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Step 1
Ask for an email address during the opt-out process. This will make the subscriber scratch his or her head and wonder how you ever emailed them in the first place without such a valuable piece of information as this.
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Step 2
Bury the unsubscribe link in a few paragraphs of fine print at the bottom of the email. Losing a subscriber is bad enough, but giving them a headache for it? Bad form but good way to make them hate you.
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Step 3
Require a log-in and password. Maybe the extra time it takes them to retrieve their lost usernames and passwords will deter them just long enough so they'll decide to send your email to their junk folder instead. And hate you while doing it.
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Step 4
Ask them if they're sure. Second-guessing their decision is a great way to sneakily keep them on the list when they unwittingly close the tab thinking the job is done. When they get your next email, watch the hate begin.
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Step 5
Make them check which newsletters they want to subscribe from. Be sure to include all 75 of your newsletters and keep all the boxes unchecked. This forces them to rely on their memory as if your emails were the only ones they receive, and still may allow them to accidentally stay on at least part of your list so they can report you as spam the next time.
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Step 6
Use legal jargon to confuse your subscribers as much as possible. Instead of an unsubscribe link, just refer them to your privacy policy or to your third-party email marketing provider website.
