How to Help a Child Honor a Grandparent at a Funeral

If you are the parent, friend, or other relative of a child whose grandparent has recently died, you can help that child honor his or her loved one at the wake and funeral by creating a tribute board. Allowing your child to creatively express and share feelings for the grandparent will help your child cope with the loss of the loved one.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. 
    

   *Determine whether or not this is something your child can handle
   
   The first thing you'll need to do is talk to your child. If your child seems interested in making a tribute or is open to the idea, jump on it. Help the child get the tribute project finished. If the project is too much for your child to bear at this stressful time, try beginning the project for your child. Chances are, your child will end up helping or will take over and complete it. If, however, you child is strongly against making any kind of tribute, don't push it. Leave it alone and help your child move the grieving process along later.
   
   If you are an adult grandchild of a recently deceased grandparent, this is a perfectly acceptable project for you as well. Making a tribute board for my grandmother with my sisters and cousins was very therapeutic and allowed us to share many of our special memories with the public.

2. *Purchase Needed supplies for a tribute board
   
   A tribute display board is a special way that one child or a group of children can remember their loved one. Purchase a science fair-type three fold display board in the office supply or school supply section of a discount store, office supply store, or drug store. You'll also need colored paper, rubber cement, photos of the grandparent with grandchildren, and special touches such as paper cut outs or stickers. You'll also need markers such as fine-line Sharpies to create your project.

3. *Make a Simple Plan for your Board
   
   Plan the tribute board, but remember that a perfect look isn't important at this point in time. The point of the display is to allow your child to share memories of the grandparent with others at the funeral, service, and/or wake.

4. *Organize Your Tribute Contributors
   
   Chances are, there will be more than one grandchild who wishes to participate, so be sure to get involvement from everyone if there's time. This is an incredibly helpful experience for all involved--children can talk and share memories of the grandparent as they design the tribute.

5. 
    

   *Make a Tribute Board
   
   
   At the top of the board, write the grandparent's name or nickname. If you wish, you can add a special phrase or saying used by the family. Add special pictures to the board with rubber cement--the photos can be easily removed without damage if you apply cement to only one surface (either the board or the photo). Consider placing the photos on cut pieces of paper for makeshift frames. Write captions under the photos.
   
   If your grandparent shared special foods, treats, or experiences with your child, add objects that represent those memories. For example, if the grandparent and child played many games together, glue cards or game pieces to the board. If special wrapped treats were always part of the visit to a grandparent, purchase some and glue them to the board (wrapped hard candies, cookie packages). Think about what objects can show who the grandparent was--include things like wooden crosses, yarn and knitting needles, paper and pencil, crossword puzzle pages.
   
   Have the child or children write down special memories on colored pieces of paper and glue them to the board. Be sure the child signs the bottom of the memory. If a child is too young to write, have him or her dictate to you and write down a memory for the child.

6. *Add Special Touches to your Board or Table
   
   When you make your board, plan to place the board on a table so that other special items can be displayed along with it. Remember that all of these items can be removed after the service, so anything can be brought to share memories. If items are forgotten later, the funeral home will save them or return them for you.
   
   Display special items with "museum" tags. An example of this would be placing a TV remote control near the tribute board. A card stock folded tag might say "No one touches Grandpa's remote!". A special blanket knitted by a grandmother could be folded and placed next to the board. Think about what your child is likely to remember the grandparent for, and help him or her represent that as part of the display.
   
   A special shared snack might be purchased in bulk and shared with guests. For example, if the child and grandparent loved sharing cupcakes or cookies, purchase a large amount of these and set them out on a tray near the display. Make a card explaining the significance of the food. An example of this would be, "Help yourself to Hailey and Grandpa's favorite shared snack."
   
   Grandma's favorite flowers can be placed next to the board--if possible, purchase flowers that can be planted in the ground. Take time to help the child transplant them the next day.

7. *Arrange your Display or Ask for Help
   
   Everyone will be busy at the funeral. If you don't think you'll have time to set up the display, ask the funeral home to help. Take the items to the host or employee and ask for help in the set up and take down.
   
   If there will be some extra time to display the board, have children help. It will help them deal with some of the anxiety of being near the deceased loved one and will allow children to slowly get accustomed to the room. Fussing around a board and display for a few minutes will ease children into the setting.

Tips & Warnings

• Private inside jokes or meanings are okay, too. Not everyone has to understand every single item on the board.
• Guests at my grandmother's funeral really took time to examine the board. It touched many of the guests, and it helped us all share special memories. It made the funeral and wake much more personal.
• Make a tribute if your child is ready and willing to do it. Do not force a child to participate, and abandon the project if it proves to be too much for the child.