How to Recognize Signs of a Controlling Relationship and Find Solutions

My personal knowledge and background in psychology created my interest in writing about controlling relationships. These relationships can vary from mild behavior all the way to violence. Persons on the outside may be very unaware of this behavior, as the controller may be very charming to others. That is what makes this behavior so dangerous. The following steps show some signs of this behavior and options for the victim.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Recognize Signs
   Controller shows extreme jealousy

2. Controller refuses to allow victim to associate with friends.

3. Controller asks probing questions about where the victim has been, with whom, and details of the conversations

4. Controller refuses to allow victim to buy items and questions the need.

5. Controller spends much time with the victim, while dating, questioning any telephone calls that the victim receives

6. Controller shouts at the victim unnecessarily and may become physically abusive.
   
   Note: Victim has low self esteem and is convinced that abuse is deserved.
   Victim is fearful of leaving, because the offender has made threats about such action.

7. Find Solutions
   -
   Seek counseling
   
   Arrange family intervention
   
   Obtain restraining order
   
   File abuse charges with law enforcement
   
   Contact Adult Protective Services for guidance
   
   Go to a shelter for the abused.
   
   Consult attorney re legal action, if married – possible divorce

Tips & Warnings

• Families need to be aware of signs of controlling relationship as it can happen to anyone
• Victim needs to know the signs of controlling relationships in order to end relationship while dating
• Victim can attempt to get controller into counseling in early stages, as offender is usually repeating learned behavior from past
• Victim needs good support system
• Encourage high school administrators to include this topic in family life courses

Resources

• How to Recognize Signs of a Controlling Relatationship and Find Solutions

[paulusgrandis]

on 10/20/2009 Great article!! I wish a friend would have read this a long time ago. Thanks for sharing! 5* and rec'd!

[lighthouse1958]

on 9/20/2009 Very good advice on how to recognize the signs of a controlling relationship. It shouldn't take long to see these signs in someone. 5* and rec.

[bellerose]

on 9/10/2009 Excellent advice on how to recognize signs of a controlling relationship and find solutions. Great idea to focus on families recognizing this, since victims can be young and not much experienced with it. 5*

[vallain]

on 9/5/2009 It's unfortunate that in many of the early stages, the jealousy and isolating from friends, seems romantic. Only later is it recognized how harmful it can be.

[healthtracker]

on 8/9/2009 Very good article on controlling relationships. I appreciate the background information and tips. I wish all young people knew this information while dating especially the solutions part.