How to Overcome the Fear of Affairs and Divorce

Fear is irrational, but real.

An affair threatens your marriage and it is natural to react to a threat with fear and/or anger. This article will help you face your fears and learn to control your feelings.

Things You'll Need

• Notebook and pen
• Internet access

Instructions

1. Acknowledge your fear. Don't deny that you feel it. You are entitled to feel afraid with what is going on in your life. Fear can paralyze you. It can make you feel so sick to your stomach that it makes it hard to get out of bed. Getting through each day can be a chore. Fear puts you at a disadvantage for finding the truth. Your out of control feelings can make you your own worst enemy.

2. Take your notebook and pen and find a quiet place. It's write down what you are afraid of. Write down the following three outcomes of your husband's affair that probably cause you fear.

   1. Your husband is in love with his affair partner and will leave you.
   2. Your husband wants to stay with you, but doesn't know how to end the affair (maybe he works with his affair partner and doesn't want to lose his job).
   3. This isn't the first time your husband has cheated and he has an ongoing problem with affairs.

3. Take each scenario from Step 2 and think how you would react to each if it were true. There are probably several reactions for each scenario. Write down everything that could happen. Try to identify the worst case outcome of each. Answer the question, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Ask yourself, "What am I most afraid of?"

4. If the absolute worst thing in Step 3 happened, what would you do? What could you do? Who could help you? What options do you have? Write down all the options you can think of. Most people have more resources and options than they can initially identify.

5. For many women, their biggest fear is divorce. You need to be able to evaluate your marriage calmy and if divorce is so scary to you that you can't even think about it, you are doing yourself a disservice. So educate yourself about divorces. Talk to a few lawyers (the initial consultation is usually free) and find out about divorces in your state. Ask the lawyer how assets are divided. Ask the lawyer what information you should think about or look for.

   Or check your state's government website for divorce information and worksheets.

6. Lastly, you can work out money and budgets. How would you live? If you have children, how would you and your children live?

   The more information you have and the more options you see for yourself, the more confidence you will have in your ability to survive. As your confidence grows, your fears should subside.

Tips & Warnings

• Cut down your fear of the unknown with information

• Build your confidence by planning how you will survive if a divorce does happen