How to Apologize to Someone You Love

From this article you will learn how to express a sincere apology to those you love or care about, how to mend broken friendships, how to maintain existing relationships

Things You'll Need

• a humble heart

Instructions

1. Express your sorrow by saying "I'm sorry..." rather than "I apologize...". One can apologize without being sorrowful. To say "I'm sorry..." means that the apology comes from the heart not just the head.

2. Apologize immediately. An apology a month or even a day after the offense may be too late. Apologize immediately to keep anger and resentment from setting in. This is the smarter way to go.

3. State or restate the offense. By now, the person you have offended should have verbalized the offensive behavior. You should complete step 1 by restating the wrong you've done. For example: "I'm sorry for drinking the last bit of milk...". If you simply say "I'm sorry" then the offended may not feel that you know why you are apologizing.

4. Express what you should have said or done in the alternative. This requires reflecting on your past behavior and how it could improve in the future. "I'm sorry for drinking the last bit of milk, I should have checked with you first to make sure you had already eaten breakfast/taken your medication/filled baby bottles etc." Put yourself in place of the person you offended and imagine how you would feel in his/her place. The tendency is to image how you would feel rather than taking into account the circumstances and sensitivities of the person you've offended. Consider the other person's perspective. For example, does he require/prefer milk each day whereas you only drink milk when no other options are available? Is she unable to easily get to the grocery store while you pass a market daily?

5. Resolve to never engage in the offensive conduct again. We all know that as human beings we sometimes make the same misstep repeatedly. The point of this step is to communicate a sincere desire to do better in the future. You may state that you will put forth your best efforts to not repeat offensive behavior and ask the person offended to gently (and privately) point out future offensive conduct to make you self aware.

6. Ask the person you have offended what you can do to make amends. This is the step which will allow you to heal any relationship, while lessening the probability of repeating the offense. Be prepared to act on any reasonable suggestion from the person you offended. I say reasonable to keep the offense in proportion to the act of contrition. For example, it would be reasonable for the offended person to request that you run out and immediately replace the milk and to perhaps purchase a size large enough to share. It would be unreasonable for the offended person to request that you sleep on the sofa for this violation alone. This step also serves as a reminder to not commit the same offense.

Tips & Warnings

• a successful relationship means being prepared to apologize--often

• a written apology is even better

• sometimes an "I apologize" is sufficient. I.e. with co-workers

• you can only control the apology not whether you will be forgiven

• set the example. Once your offended sees your willingness to be apologetic he/she may follow suit

• do not apologize for how the other person feels. "I'm sorry you are offended"

• do not defend or blame someone for your actions. "I'm sorry but you should have..."

• do no apologize simply to get your way. I.e. for sex or even a return apology

• now is not the time to bring up reasons you were entitled to an apology in the past which you did not receive

• be prepared to apologize even when you have done nothing wrong. If it keeps the peace with your loved one, it will be worth it