How to Support a Family Who's Child Is Missing

Whether you have children or not, when a child goes missing it pulls on most people's hearts. It is such a horrifying thought for the child and the family. Think about the amount of emotions experienced when it is not a child that you know- sadness, fear, anxiety, empathy and even anger. Next think about the emotions experienced if it is a child you know. Finally, think about the emotions experienced if it is your child that is missing or believed to be abducted. If you know of someone who's child has been abducted or missing, it is important to help be a support the family.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. 

   To begin to help support a family who's child has been abducted or is missing, it is important to understand the emotions that the family may be experiencing. It would be expected that the family would experience a wide range of emotions. Some of these emotions, not in any order and not an all inclusive list, are: shock, denial, anxiety, rage, depression, guilt, shame, fear, desperation, loss, grief, overwhelmed, powerless and hopelessness. These emotions can be very intense and do not come in any set pattern. A family member may experience all of these emotions slowly or rapidly. A different family member may only experience 1 or a few of these emotions. In addition, a family member may experience these emotions, but only display being angry, enraged or depressed. In order to be supportive, remember that any of these feelings may be expressed and be prepared to help them cope with any or all or the emotions.

2. 

   If the family member is expressive of their feelings, validate what they are saying. Verbally reinforce that what they are feeling is o.k.. or normal. Be a good listener. Your friend needs help trying to make sense out of the situation and how to cope with their child being abducted or missing. Help them to express their thoughts and feelings about the situation, their memories of their child, their thoughts about their child, their hopes and dreams, and any plans they have about this situation. If they are very angry and are rageful at others, try to remember not to personalize any negative emotion that seems directed at you. Try not to react negatively to any of the intense expressions.

3. 

   A family who has a child who is missing or suspected of being abducted, will go through a grief and loss process. Having a child taken away will evoke the similar responses to a loss (death) of a child. Although there is no clear definition on when and how these feeling may be experienced or expressed, there is a noted grief and loss pattern. Understanding the grief and loss process may be helpful in being supportive. The 5 stages of grief and loss, identified by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Examples are:
   Denial: “This can’t be happening " or "This is not real" Anger: “Why is this happening? Who did it?” Bargaining: “Please bring him/her back and in return I will ____.” Depression: “I can't make it because I’m too sad to do anything.” Acceptance: “I understand what has happened and I need to accept it.” These stages rarely happen in this order or in a clear pattern. Many fluctuate between the first 4 stages. Some who are grieving do not seem to go through any of the stages. It is important to know the stages as 1 difference with someone who has a missing or abducted child is that stage 5 may never come. A family who has a missing child holds on to hope that their child will be returned. Years may even pass and the hope remains. Thus a closure is never placed on the child's disappearance. If there is no closure, there is no acceptance. It is important to allow the family to have their beliefs, spirituality or religion or hope about their child. To help be supportive, allow that child to be present through pictures or recalling memories.

4. 

   To help a family who's child has been abducted or is missing, encourage the family to go to counseling. A professional can help the family or family member express their thoughts or feelings in a non-judgemental and safe place. A professional can also assist if the client is having depressive symptoms or maladaptive coping skills that are not being noticed or expressed to others.

5. 

   Another way to be supportive is to encourage the family or family members to attend a support group for family of missing children. There are physical locations with group members and a set time and location. There are also grief and loss groups that are often located at churches or hospitals. There are also several online support forums. There is a resource list below.

6. 

   Lastly, to be supportive, think of other ways to help. These may include cleaning, cooking, making calls or responding to mail or bills, going on a walk with them or even offering to join them at church. You can also recruit other family members and friend to help work together to provide support to the family. There is much good that can happen in numbers.

Resources

• Newsletter and support group
• Angel's that care
• free resource about chilfrenwho are abducted

[walker7]

on 11/23/2009 Great information...thank you!

[sonni57]

on 8/1/2009 Thanks for the helpful article on supporting a family that has a child missing.