How to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship

Kick jealousy to the curb.

Jealousy in a relationship can be devastating and lead to all sorts of disastrous consequences, from suspicions and tensions, to arguments and distrust. If the jealousy is based on things that are untrue or blown totally out of proportion, it can often be even more debilitating. If your relationship with your partner is suffering due to jealousy on your part, learn how to overcome the destructive behavior in order to reclaim happiness.

Instructions

1. Acknowledge your jealousy. If you ignore the fact that you are overwhelmed by jealousy, you will never be able to conquer it. Get some space away from other people and allow yourself a little bit of time to "meet" with your jealousy, face to face. The more you understand that your jealousy is a separate entity that is eating away at you, the easier it will be for you to quiet it down and move on.

2. Ask yourself if you trust your partner. If your jealousy comes from suspicion, determine why you do not believe your partner. Then, try to focus on your relationship's trust issues before you continue being jealous. A lot of times, jealousy exists solely in a person's head. If your jealousy is validated (for instance, if you caught your partner cheating on you), then ask yourself why you still are with him if you obviously cannot get over it.

3. Abstain from the comparisons. In life, you will never be satisfied or happy if you are perpetually competing with other people. If a certain person in your partner's life is the root of your jealous feelings, approach the situation realistically. Even if you perceive that the person is smarter, more attractive and younger than you, realize that she (like every other person) has her own set of insecurities and flaws. No one is perfect and nothing is as perfect as it seems.

4. Realize that you cannot do anything about what other people do or think. As much as you may love and appreciate your significant other, he is another person. You have absolutely no control over what he may think or feel, nor should you want that. The more peace you have with the possibility of letting go, the more peace of mind you will be able to attain. Admit that your partner could leave you at any moment for another person and be okay with that. Stop focusing on things that you cannot change.

5. Get a handle on your pretend world. When a person feels jealous, it is not uncommon to come up with wacky situations that can encourage the emotion. For example, a jealous man may visualize his girlfriend on a clandestine date with a stranger, smitten by all of the attention. Stop wasting time with an overactive imagination that is counterproductive and harmful.

6. Open the communication lines with your partner and be honest. If your partner is doing things that make you feel uncomfortable, tell her about them. She may not even know you feel this way. For instance, if you feel bad that she spends more time hanging out with her male best friend than you, alert her to the situation. She may resent you for it, or she may totally understand. Either way, get your feelings out into the open before they get the best of you. Also, ask her if you do anything that makes her feel a similar way. Begin a dialogue that is healthy and honest.

Tips & Warnings

• Jealousy that borders on obsession is very harmful. If you think that your relationship jealousy is excessive and not "normal," seek outside help immediately with a counselor, doctor or support group. Some people lash out against jealousy in a violent manner which is never, ever acceptable.

References

• Divine Caroline; Let's Talk About Jealousy; Melissa Kirk
• Think Simple Now: 9 Ways to Overcome Jealousy
• iVillage.co.uk; The 7-Step Jealousy Fix; Tracey Cox
• Cosmopolitan; Is Envy Getting the Best of You?; Bethany Heitman