How to Reconnect With Your Troubled Teenager

Raising teens is a challenge, but finding common ground helps families in crisis reconnect.

Few relationships in life are as influential as the parent-child relationship. It's a parent's role to make every reasonable attempt to model a healthy approach to family problems, especially for teens in trouble. Troubled teens struggle for a variety of reasons, including stress, physical and hormonal changes, family strife, peer pressure, substance abuse and mental illness. No single answer exists to help every parent reconnect with every troubled teen. Depending on individual situations, the help of a professional may be warranted. Regardless of specifics, there are some steps all parents can take in working toward a better relationship with a teen.

Instructions

1. Understand how your mentality affects, even on a subconscious level, how you approach your teen. Negative self-talk, past experiences and your own personal stress level can influence how you perceive, and thereby approach, a given situation.

2. Neutralize how you speak to your teen to reduce feelings of opposition, conflict and perceived personal assaults. Eliminate the "I's," "you's" and "we's" from your communications. Instead of "it's time to do your homework," try phrases such as "it's homework time."

3. Find your teen's currency. What motivates your teen? What interests him? These can be opportunities to develop shared hobbies, experiences or positive reinforcements.

4. Make time for your teen, but do not unnecessarily impose quality time. Set aside certain times throughout the week reserved just for your teen. Sometimes, something as simple as a quiet cup of coffee together in the mornings can lead to meaningful conversation, especially if the teen is not pressured to talk.

5. Communicate expectations clearly, but with a willingness to listen. Rules are important, but so is discussing differences in values, ideas and opinions. While a teen's view may not change your stance, giving her a voice offers a sense of empowerment and understanding.

6. Actively listen to your teen, including nonverbal communications. Words express a great deal, as does body language and what your child does not say.

7. Establish clear personal, family and household boundaries. Some rules are open for discussion, but other rules and boundaries are not. Make sure your teen knows exactly where you draw the line and any resulting consequences for crossing that line.

8. Seek professional help when needed. Utilize all available supports such as extended family members, mentors, youth groups and peers with a positive influence on your teen.

Tips & Warnings

• Studies show the families with high expressed emotion, characterized by criticism, hostility and emotional overinvolvement, make life harder on patients experiencing depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and other mental illness.

• These recommendations are not intended to replace professional counseling in high-risk situations.

• Consult medical, pscyhological or psychiatric professionals in the event your teen displays signs of severe depression, thoughts of suicide, substance abuse or mental illness.

References

• Nevada Dept of Health & Human Services: Prevention of Youth Suicide
• Central Michigan University: Current Directions in Psychological Science
• Intervene: Family Therapy

Resources

• Parenting Teens: Troubled Teens
• Encyclopedia of Psychology: Adolescent