How to Reach the End of the Internet

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By Clarissa Adkins
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What's more likely - that we find the edge of the universe or the end of the internet? Some theories say that if you reach the end, your computer will let you know by shutting down without warning. Of course, many computers do this all the time anyway - so it's possible that you've already reached the end many times and didn't know it.

Other theorists give us more hope and say that at the end of the internet you meet God, get sucked into the internet and become one with it, or that you just get a special message which says,"You can search no further. You have reached the end." The following steps are all based on conjecture and theory. If you do reach the end and you're still in human form, please let this writer know. By the way, it may take one or all of these steps to reach the end of the internet.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Step 1

Sign up for Six Degrees of Separation experiments on Facebook or elsewhere. Although no one claims to have reached the end of the internet from this step yet, theorists believe that if you reach out far enough with this experiment, that Kevin Bacon, himself, will knock on your door holding a plaque which says, "Congratulations, Your Name, has successfully reached the end of the internet."
Step 2

Look at every result of a Google search. This one is tricky because if you Google something obscure like, "famous people sightings Des Moines," for example, you won't come up with many results. Try something more open-ended like, "famous people sightings," and look at every result. You can't skip any results. Supposedly, you will be rewarded with the revealing of the awesomeness of the end of the internet.
Step 3

Spend 95% of your time on the internet (including sleep time). This sensory saturation is likely to create the feeling of burn out which will make you believe that you have literally reached the end of the internet. This is the most popular step.
Step 4

Make a website and link it to at least one billion websites. Include an email address on the homepage of your website. If you get an email from God saying that you've reached the end of the internet, then congratulations.
Step 5

Figure out whether dark matter really exists and how it relates to the nature of the universe. Well, you don't want to be known for just one great accomplishment, do you? And, if you're smart enough to do this, then you can certainly find the end of the internet.
Step 6

Channel Jim Morrison of the Doors. If he is singing "The End" when he arrives, then turn on the internet, count backwards from 100, and then click enter with a blank Google search.

*Warning - all who have successfully tried this have never been seen or heard from again, except by email.