How to Increase Your Assertiveness Skills

Member

By paigeturner
User-Submitted Article

Article Rating: (4 Ratings)

assertiveness skills

Assertiveness skills are extremely valuable in day to day living. We've all been in situations where we've agreed to do something despite our better judgement and then made excuses at the last moment. Assertiveness training will provide you with the skills to create personal boundaries and to show others how to treat you with respect. Use the following steps to become more assertive and to reduce stress in your every day life.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Step 1

Be Firm and Decisive - Say No if You Have To

If you know that you don't want to do something but feel pressured by people around you, take a deep breath and definitively say that you will not be able to sign up for that particular task. Mention the reasons that this will not work for you specifically and then move on. When you are establishing boundaries with people, it is important to be clear, firm and decisive. If you typically have trouble with this step, start with small steps. Practice what you will say at home in front of the mirror until you are comfortable. Build small successes into larger ones.
Step 2

Ask For What You Want Matter of Factly

People who have trouble with assertiveness are typically fearful of expressing their needs. Asking for what you want just means that you will be expressing your feelings. Practice stating what you would like to have happen at home and at work in a matter of fact way. Again, start small. As an example, you could tell your coworker - "I want to be involved in XYZ meeting at 2 pm today". Or if you're talking to a friend, you could start with - "I need to go to the dentist at 1 pm. tomorrow, so I'd like to switch our lunch date to the following day if thats ok with you." Speak up and voice your opinions at the lunch table. Value yourself enough to express your needs. This will increase your self esteem and give you the ability to ask for opportunities that otherwise may not come your way. Once you stop being silent people will get to know the real you and you will have a stronger sense of identity.
Step 3

Achieve Your Goals

This an important step that may not be intuitive when thinking about assertiveness. If you set a clearly defined goal for yourself and achieve it, you will have expressed your specific need to achieve that goal, set boundaries on your time and articulated your needs to others in order to get to your end point. Setting and accomplishing goals will also increase your sense of self. Realize that being assertive is a good thing both for you and the people around you. Your needs and wants are valuable and make you the unique and special person that you are.
Step 4

Constructively Resolve Conflict

Conflict is a part of every day life. Being factual and taking a problem solving approach while stating your needs is part of assertively resolving a disagreement. If you're in the middle of a disagreement, step back for a moment. Listen to and acknowledge the other person's point of view. Clarify and acknowledge all the points of disagreement. Then, state your point of view, and negotiate a possible compromise that would work for both sides. If there is no compromise possible, acknowledge that both of you have different ways of thinking and leave it at that. Don't allow anyone to push you in a direction that does not work for you. Be factual and non-antagonistic in expressing your point of view. Inject some humor into the situation if possible.
Step 5

Be Interested In the People Around You

Be sincerely interested in the people around you. As you express interest in other people's lives and families, that interest will be reciprocated and you can naturally get into a relationship dynamic where you can easily share opinions and express your needs and wants.
Step 6

Believe in Yourself

Value and express your own feelings, opinions and interests. If you strongly believe that what you have to say is important, assertiveness will become part of your natural behavior. Sign up for activities that you love and are passionate about. Develop your hobbies. Surround yourself with people that value and love you. Realize that you are equally as important as everyone else around you.