How to Watch a Chick Flick with Your Wife or Girlfriend

Does the woman in your life enjoy seeing your "sensitive" side? If she's anything like most women, she probably does. She probably also enjoys watching those boring, mushy, touchy-feely chick flicks, and I'll bet she wishes you would watch one with her once in a while. So maybe you've decided to kill two birds with one stone by being sensitive and treating your wife or girlfriend to an evening at the movies-make that at the movie of her choice. How will you endure it and get the greatest possible mileage out of your sacrifice? Simple.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Volunteer. If, during a commercial for a chick flick, she says, "Wow, that movie looks good," you say, "Hey, let's go see it this weekend." Better yet, just ask her totally out of the blue if she would like to see the latest hit chick flick. (Note: Please refer to the first tip below.)

2. Go to the theater with a smile on your face. Continue to smile, even when it starts to hurt.

3. 
    

   Buy her any kind of treats she wants, and don't complain when a tub of popcorn, two buckets of soda, and one carton of candy costs $47.50.

4. Before the movie starts, tell her how much you enjoy spending this kind of quality time with her.

5. 
    

   Hold her hand once the lights go down, and give it a little squeeze once in a while, especially during touching or romantic scenes.

6. 
    

   If things seem to be going well, slip your arm around her shoulders.

7. Be prepared to offer her a tissue during a sad scene. This is also an especially good time to put your arm around her.

8. 
    

   You will get bonus points if you can shed a tear or two during the sad part. Just don't sob or make a big show of it. (Note: Please refer to the second tip and the warning below.)

9. When the movie is over, tell her you had a wonderful time and you'd like to do it again soon (and remember, in geologic time "soon" can mean "in 1,000 years or so").

10. As soon as possible, go see an action flick with lots of car chases, gunplay, and explosions to bring your testosterone level back to normal.

Tips & Warnings

• Always refer to the movie by its actual title. Don't say things like, "Hey, you wanna see some kinda chick flick or somethin'?"
• If you have trouble crying during the sad scene, try to imagine your favorite football team has just lost the Super Bowl by one point because the field goal kicker missed an easy chip shot with two seconds on the clock.
• Don't carry onion in your pocket to make yourself cry. Women can smell onions.