How to Deepen Your Friendships

Fulfillment in life is determined less by the quantity of dollars in our bank accounts, belongings in our households or outward accomplishments marked off our to-do lists, and more by the quality of our relationships. We are social creatures, and feeling connected to those around us is an essential element for both mental well-being and for physical health--and the deeper your friendship bonds are, the more you will feel at ease with the fact that you really do belong in this world. A sense of belonging is a tremendous boost to self-esteem and source for inner peace. I hope that these tips will help you to deepen the friendships in your life.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Check in regularly. I have noticed that one thing that has helped deepen my friendships dramatically is to simply call and check in from time to time. That’s right. Not texting, not Internet chatting, not emailing, but calling. A voice-to-voice conversation does wonders for the friendship connections.

2. Inquire about your friends’ pasts. Most of us, most of the time, live as though our individual lives are the center of everything, as if time and space exists only when we are around to be part of it. News flash: your friends had lives before you met them. I know it seems obvious, but how much have you really inquired about the events that happened in your friends’ lives before you knew each other? If you only know a vague outline or a random smattering of bullet points, it might be worthwhile to ask more about their pasts. You will learn a lot about your friends, and they will feel honored that you care enough to ask and listen.

3. Accept and extend invitations. When your friends invite you to things, as much as you can, join in. Also make sure to initiate things to do together.

4. Create a routine. Ironically, strong friendships are often built less on quality time and more on quantity time. The more time you spend together, the more bonded you will feel, so make it a top priority to see your friends on a regular basis.

5. Remember important dates. I’m not talking just about birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. I’m talking about things like school tests, job interviews, family visits, veterinary appointments for their pets, vacations, and well, you get it. These type of events may be less overtly monumental, but they are significant for your friend. Remembering and asking about the goings-on that happen in your friends' lives will say a lot about how much you care.

6. Be forgiving and flexible. One of my dear friends is nearly always late when we make plans to spend time together. This used to make me really mad. I would get irritated and make snide remarks when he would keep me waiting. Eventually, however, I realized that I was actually causing a bigger rift in our relationship with my reaction to his lateness than the lateness itself was, so I got over my ego and stopped being such a brat. Your friends--no matter how much you love them or how much they love you--are certain to let you down in all sorts of ways for all sorts of reasons. Being critical, gossiping, getting angry or holding grudges is a sure way to spoil the sweet connection between you. Love your friends for who they are as they are in this very moment.

7. Speak up when your feelings are hurt. It is true that we must be forgiving and flexible, but we must also stand up for ourselves when our friends really do step out of line. Friendships, like all relationships, require communication and openness. We are bound to hurt each other from time to time. That's OK. What matters is that you are able to be honest about your hurt and that you are able to work it through together. If you find that a friend is continually hurtful or overtly disrespectful--it could mean that your friend really isn't your friend at all--and that it could be time to put space between the two of you.

[onenight]

on 8/17/2009 These will really help folks strengthen their friendships properly. I gave it 5 stars & Recommended ya. =)