How to Establish a Loving Relationship with Your Mother-in-Law

Ah, the mother-in-law. She starts out as a fictional character of your imagination. If you've ever dreamed of getting married, you've also envisioned having a mother-in-law. Once you sum up the courage to say "I Do", must you do time in in-law purgatory or can you establish a loving relationship with your mother-in-law?
I affectionately refer to my mother-in-law as my mommy-in-law. This should hint to my answer to that question.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Confidence
• Sense of Self
• Respect

1. Respect her.
   
   You don't have to love her. Heck, you don't even have to like her. But if at all possible, at least respect that she is your spouse's mother. They aren't some 'nobody' that you can dispose of for convenience sake. Before you ever marry your spouse, try and get to know her. If she's totally unbearable but your spouse has a loving relationship with them, you may have to think twice before saying I do.

2. Encourage the Mother and son/daughter relationship.
   
   Parents have special feelings and needs when it comes to their children. The worst thing you can do for your own relationship with your mother in law is to try and stand in the way of that relationship. The best thing you can do, as far as your mother in law is concerned, is to foster that relationship between them and your spouse. If your mother in law feels secure in the fact you aren't pushing them away, that's great. If they are secure in the fact that you view their relationship as something of great value, you can quickly become their favorite child in law.

3. Say "Thank You".
   
   Mother in law's are just like everyone else with one very specific difference, they were responsible for bringing your spouse into the world. Without them, you wouldn't be part of the loving relationship you're in now. Send her mother's day cards just from you with a special heart felt thanks for raising the person you now love and cherish.

4. Involve them in your life.
   
   Show them that you value their input. This is something all mother in law's cherish when they have it and stew and stomp if they don't. They love their child and that love doesn't ever end. Let them continue that loving relationship by involving them in child rearing and even in ways of the heart. I'm not saying to foster a busy-body mentality but show them their input is valued. This is especially important when you and your spouse have children. Now, more than ever, you need to let them in. If they lovingly raised your spouse to be the wonderful person that you love and cherish, they are certainly qualified to care for and love your children.

5. Spend one on one time with them.
   
   Take the time to spend time with your mother in law without your spouse or children around. Show them that you value them as a person, not just their position in the hierarchy of your family tree. This will add warmth to your relationship. Show an interest in their interests and they will likely show interest in yours. Who knows, you may discover a brand new friend you can treasure forever.

Tips & Warnings

• Be open and honest with concerns. They are real people with real feelings. They are not untouchables.
• Insist your children treat them with respect as well.
• Never be afraid to apologize.
• Don't bad mouth your spouse to their mother.
• Don't be too open with what goes on within your marriage. Respect their right not to know. Trust me, as a mother in law myself, sometimes you DON'T want to know!
• Think before you open your mouth.

[ruf1950]

on 7/9/2009 AMEN on this one; awesome advice on ways to establish a loving relationship with your mother-in-law. Make that MOMMY-in-law ;). She's most likely the one responsible, as you point out, for making your special someone so special. 5*****

[AmyRose]

on 7/9/2009 Thanks for finally sticking up for mothers-in-law. Fathers-in-law aren't always a piece of cake, either, and sometimes, neither are we daughters or sons-in-law, but older women are easy targets and our society seems conditioned to see their flaws above others. Very good article, 5*

[karileighk]

on 7/9/2009 These are all great tips.

[WriterGig]

on 7/8/2009 Very good advice about the mother-in-law relationship! I know I struggle with mine at times -- don't we all? ;)