How to Divorce Your Parents

Divorce isn't strictly for husband and wife; children often “divorce” their parents, as well. A child may want to divorce their parents after they reach adulthood for a myriad of reasons, ranging anywhere from toxicity in the relationship to verbal or physical abuse. Divorcing a parent should not be confused with emancipation, which is the legal act of declaring a child an adult and absolving the parent-child relationship in the eyes of the law before the child turns 18 (check out “Resources” for more help). Rather, divorcing a parent is usually something done after reaching adulthood, as a way to severe the emotionally relationship. If it sounds like the solution to your parental problems, read on to find out how to divorce your parents:

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Review the Reasons for Divorcing Your Parents
   
   While there are a myriad of reasons a child may want to divorce their parents, there are few that are actually “legitimate,” so to speak. The most common reasons for divorcing a parent as an adult include:
   
   Being physically abused by one or both of your parents;
   Being verbally or mentally abused by one or both of your parents;
   Your children being physically or verbally abused by one or both of your parents;
   Catching one of your parents engaged in a sexual act with your spouse or partner;
   Catching one or both of your parents stealing from you;
   Being caught in the middle of your parents in a malicious way while they are divorcing;
   
   It can be hard to look at yourself and see the difference between a toxic relationship and your own entitlement issues, but in order to make the right decision, you need to be truly honest with yourself. Discuss your feelings with a neutral party, like your spouse or a friend, to determine exactly how bad the relationship with your parents really is, or if you have some part in the issues yourself.

2. Determine the Reasons for Divorcing Your Parents
   
   Think long and hard about why you are making the move to divorce your parents. Are you trying to salvage what's left of your mental health, or are you trying to make a statement? Do you want to get back at your parents for what they've done to you, or do you need to cut them out of your life to save yourself? If you are being completely honest with yourself, the answers will be obvious, but they aren't going to be easy to swallow. The only person who knows why you want to divorce your parents is you, and you can lie to the world – and even convince them – that you are doing it for the right reasons, but deep down, if you're not, it's only going to make things worse in the long run.
   
   An odd, but tested way to see if this is the right decision for you, is to actually discuss the issue with one or both of your parents. If your parents are genuinely upset that you want to sever ties with them, are concerned for your relationship, want to know why you feel this way, or want to salvage the relationship and work to build a stronger one, you may be headed down the wrong path. If you get a negative response, stop and think about whether or not you should really be doing this. On the other hand, if your parents seem disinterested, accuse you of trying to ruin their lives, or becoming emotionally or physically violent, you were probably right to begin with, and I'm sorry I made you question it. But then again, you probably knew it would happen before you even approached the topic – and you are the type of person “parental divorce” was created for.

3. Divorce One Parent, Or Both
   
   Divorcing parents isn't a real legal action you can take – unless you're thinking of emancipation, in which case, scroll down to “Resources” - but it is a physical and actual thing. In essence, you are cutting yourself completely off from your parents, and treating them as if they are no longer related to you. Keep in mind that when you take this action against one parent, the other parent may choose sides and refrain from contacting you, as well. Make sure you are prepared for this, and realize you may have to sacrifice that relationship in order to live a happy, healthy life.
   
   The good thing about divorcing your parents is that it's only permanent if you want it to be. You may find that after a few years, or even months, that the time you've spent being divorced from your parents has actually made you see the good in them, and remember the high points in your relationship. You may yearn to reconnect with them, and that's okay – you can! Of course, if your parents are abusive to you, your spouse, or your children in any way, you may want to stick to the divorce and find a way to press some real legal action against them, instead.

[karileighk]

on 7/9/2009 I needed to read this.