-
Step 1
Give Yourself a Break
We all have moments where we lose it and want to connect our fist to the wall, but acting on those emotions are not an appropriate way to deal with your anger. Instead, use the age-old time out method: whenever you feel the rage start to bubble over, stop and count slowly to ten. If you still feel frustrated, excuse yourself from the situation and give yourself a 5 minute break to calm down and relax. Don't bother thinking about the reasons behind your anger. Instead, let them go out the window along with your frustrations, and the minute you step back into the situation, act as if nothing got you upset in the first place.
The only time you should address the situation that made you angry is if your child did something wrong or inappropriate. If that's the case, give your child a time out while you take your own break. Don't worry about leaving your child in your house alone for a few minutes – leaving them by themselves is a much better alternative to yelling or hitting, and they'll be much better off when you return with a cool head. When you return, talk to your child in a gentle tone about what they did and why it was wrong. Then, return to things as usual and put the incident behind you. -
Step 2
Never Show Violence in Front of the Kids
If you and your spouse are particularly prone to arguing, make sure you keep it out of view and earshot of your children. You don't want your kids to see that violence – even a light smack – is an appropriate way to handle a disagreement. You shouldn't be hitting each other, anyway, but that's an issue to address later on, in private.
What is okay, and actually healthy, is to disagree while the kids are watching. Just make sure that they are there to witness you making up, as well. This will teach your children that disagreements are a normal part of life, but that you need to make amends once the argument has reached a conclusion. Giving your kids a good example of dealing with fights will help them develop their own healthy techniques for handling arguments with others later on, and they'll learn that they need to resolve and make amends at the end of the day, as well. -
Step 3
Steer Clear of Violent Imagery
There's a reason our movies, television shows, and video games all come prepackaged with a rating. Violence has run rampant in our entertainment for decades, and as we progress, more authors and directors will continue to try to push the envelope. Exposing yourself to violent imagery teaches your mind that violence can be okay, even entertaining to a degree. If you're particularly prone to violent words and actions, it's a good idea to skip the extreme movies and shows and opt for something not so dark. -
Step 4
Remember That Words Can Be Violent, Too
If you've never raised your hand at another human being before in your life, that doesn't mean you've never been guilty of showing violence. Words can be just as violent, sometimes more so, than physical actions. Threatening to harm someone else, describing violent scenes, and using violent words perpetuate violent thoughts and actions. Watch your language, and don't show others that you think violence is okay, even in thought. -
Step 5
Seek Help to Control Your Actions
If you can't help feeling angry and taking it out on family, friends, or even complete strangers, it may be time to take a trip to the doctor. Anger problems account for a large part of all mental illnesses, but the good news is, there's plenty of ways to control it. Medications are used to suppress the thoughts and feelings, or even replace the chemicals that are missing that lead us to feel violence emotions. Group therapy and psychology visits can also help you learn how to keep the anger at bay, and find healthy alternatives to violence without allowing your frustrations to get the best of you.
