How to Raise a Difficult Child

Children don't arrive with instruction manuals, and they can't simply be programmed to behave according to your commands. The task becomes more complicated when raising difficult children. While it can be tough to find an appropriate mix of disciplinary rewards and punishments, it's your responsibility to make the adjustments necessary to raise a well-disciplined child. This involves learning to accept your child's personality while instilling an appropriate level of correction and praise.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Come down to your child's level. Making an effort to understand your child's personality and motivations can make it easier to set appropriate expectations and standards. It can also defuse some of your child's attempts to undermine your authority. Engage in ongoing constructive conversations with your child to demonstrate your openness. Children who feel listened to and respected are more likely to follow rules willingly.

2. Determine appropriate rules and relay these standards to your child. Avoid giving difficult children any excuse to be disobedient by taking away the ever popular, "I didn't know." Take your child's age and abilities into account when establishing what constitutes "good" and "bad" behavior. Use realistic scenarios as examples to illustrate valid points and close loopholes.

3. Condemn the behavior, not the child. Although it can be tempting to tell your child that she's "difficult" or a "problem child," doing so only works to lower her self-esteem. It may even contribute to worse behavior as she attempts to live up to her new names. Focus your attention on correcting offensive behavior without belittling your child or making her defensive. Avoid comparing your child to other children, as this can make her feel as if she can never meet your expectations.

4. Make decisive, consistent corrections. Follow up with established consequences to ensure your child understands your seriousness regarding behavioral standards. Allowing too much time to pass before addressing inappropriate behaviors can make children feel unfairly punished. It can also make you appear weak-willed.

5. Seek outside assistance when raising a difficult child. Using a "village approach" can help ensure your child understands that you're not just being harsh and overbearing with rules. It also exposes both of you to a variety of disciplinary methods. Talking to his school counselors and teachers can give you more coping strategies. Enrolling difficult children in extracurricular activities such as sports, volunteer organizations and art programs can help them put extra energy in positive ways.

Tips & Warnings

• Allowing difficult children to channel their strong will into positive outlets can help alleviate tension.
• Avoid confronting a difficult child when angry. It's better to cool down as your anger works to ignite his anger.

References

• How to Stop Overreacting -- Sometimes
• The Nurtured Heart Approach
• Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child

Resources

• Volunteer Match
• How to Punish Without Punishing Yourself