How to Protect Your Children From Online Predators (part II)

This is the second in a series of posts on, “How To Protect Your Children From Online Predators.”

A lot of the information that will be posted in this series will come from a seminar I teach for parents and teenagers on internet safety. Please refer to my other postings on this same topic.

This article will walk you through ten of the most common warning signs of a predator. These signs are intended to raise your awareness regarding interpersonal boundaries and appropriate behavior and it is not intended to diagnose or label individuals as predators.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Use tact and wisdom.
• If in doubt, act or ask.
• Keep in mind that you are the adult who is responsible for helping your child stay safe.
• Teach values and appropriate interpersonal boundaries.
• Invite others to provide support and help when needed.

1. A person who demonstrates poor boundaries and consistently walks in private bedrooms or bathrooms while children or teenagers are inside.

2. A person who insists on spending time alone with a child. He/she may volunteer to run errands together or take the child on an outing where uninterrupted time alone can be secured. He/she may insist on babysitting while parents are not home and may do so in a way that appears helpful such as offering to do it for free. He/she is likely to “make it easy” for parents to trust.

3. A person who is interested in developing a friendship with a child. He/she may entice the teenager/child with cool toys, electronics or even a pet. Ongoing invitations may be made and often showers the child with inappropriate amounts of affection and attention.

4. A person who makes frequent sexual innuendos, speaks openly about body parts, lacks awareness of what is appropriate or inappropriate conversational topics around minors such as sharing suggestive stories or pointing out sexual images.

5. A person may demonstrate interest and/or awareness of the developmental body changes the child or teenager may be experiencing.

6. A person who comes across to the family as being “too good to be true.” He/she may demonstrate a willingness to go the extra mile for the child and the family (i.e. providing free services like babysitting, house sitting, buying things for the family, etc).

7. A person who may show a pattern of emotional inconsistency such as behaving younger than his/her age, creating ‘inside jokes’, or developing a secret language between him/her and the child.

8. A person who may persist on coming in physical contact with the child/teenager by hugging, tickling or wrestling.

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   A person who willingly shares “too much information” about his/herself with the child. While the content may not be overtly sexual at first, the information shared could be considered appropriate for an adult conversation with a close friend and inappropriate for a conversation with a minor. Often times, the child feels special in knowing deep and personal aspects of the adult’s life and begins feeling drawn and connected to the adult on a deeper level.

10. A person who demonstrates an inability to form intimate relationships with individuals in his/her own age range and older adults. Sometimes, you may discover that this individual is able to form temporary relationships with adults at a superficial level.

Tips & Warnings

• It’s important for parents to remember that while there are some common characteristics among sexual predators, pedophilia does not discriminate by race, gender, age, class or religious affiliation.

Resources

• Family Insights