How to Search For Love Without Looking Desperate

You're ready for that special somebody to cross your path. You're ready to say "Yes" to commit, to give yourself fully to another person. You're ready for love. You want love. You really, really want love. Desperately. It is natural to feel this way, and I imagine that virtually any person who has been single for an extended period of time knows the pain that comes when you want to be in a relationship, but can't seem to make it happen. The cruel trick of it all is this: the more you want love, the more desperate you feel; the more desperate you feel, the more needy you appear; the more needy you appear, the less attractive you become to a potential mate. It is my hope that these tips will help you to become more attractive to a potential mate by helping you learn to how to search for love without looking desperate. Here's to love!

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Transform neediness to abundance. I typed the word “needy” into my computer’s thesaurus and these are some of the synonyms I found: deprived, disadvantaged, poor, impoverished. Emotional neediness comes from a mindset of lacking, and a mindset of lacking is a sure way to manifest a life of lacking. Tell yourself, “Love is abundant.” Say it over and over and over and over and over until you finally believe it. When you find yourself feeling jealous of other couples or worried that you will die alone and lonely, remind yourself, love is abundant.

2. Take responsibility for your own happiness. That saying, "Wherever you go, there you are," holds true for relationships. If you are unhappy before entering a relationship, you will still be unhappy after entering into a relationship. Sure you might feel a buzz of excitement and joy when the relationship begins, but after the initial romance phase wears off, your unhappiness, stress and unrest will return, because a relationship--as wonderful as it can be--cannot solve your internal struggles. What can you do today to begin your internal happiness healing process?

3. Experience divine love. Some people do this by praying, some by meditating, some by communing with nature, some by working through their life traumas in therapy with a counselor. Divine love is a difficult feeling to describe, but you will know it when you feel it. Not sure what divine love feels like? Start searching for it! When you feel loved on a fundamental and ultimate level, you will not be needy of love from your fellow human beings.

4. Follow the ratio of 101 to 1. It could take you 101 (or more!) tries before you find your right match. Keep this in mind as you go about your dating life, and don't put mental pressure or unrealistic expectations on date number 6 or 26 or 86 to be the relationship you had hoped for. Be patient; keep your heart open; don't let disappointment sour your spirit. Trust the process. All is coming.

5. Move slow. When you do meet somebody whom you connect with and whom you hope to develop a relationship, take things slowly. I once heard a dating expert say, "Wait for 8 to copulate." That means, don't have sex until at least the eighth date. I agree. Don't be in a hurry to rush the relationship to the next level. Take it all in stride, one sweet, slow step at a time.

6. Fill your calendar. I'm not talking about being busy just for the sake of being busy, but it is true that the more you have going on, the less desperate you feel and the less likely you will be to cling onto the first person who shows a glimmer of interest in you. Plus, the more you are out in the world participating in things you enjoy, the more likely you will be to meet somebody who shares your interests. Get out with friends. Sign up for a class. Go to an art exhibit. Join a sports team. Volunteer. Take a walk around your city. Enjoy your life.

7. Flirt! Flirt! Flirt! Everywhere you go, practice lighthearted flirting. Have fun with it, and remember, the more people you flirt with, the more natural your flirting will become. And the more you flirt, the more you will see that the world is full of possibilities for connection and romance.

8. Live a well-rounded life. Be curious about the world. Acquire an endless thirst for knowledge. Take adventures. Do things you feel passionate about. Enjoy your work. Cultivate deep friendships. Take care of your body. Develop a talent. Create a life that is vibrant and full on many levels. This will keep you from believing that a relationship is the only thing that will make you happy. Satisfaction from life requires many elements.

Resources

• Kiss Me, I'm Single

[bluemoongoddess]

on 9/7/2009 Thank you for some very helpful advice!

[tobia]

on 7/10/2009 Amanda, I'm ever amazed at your wisdom