How to Stop Temper Tantrums with Young Children
During a temper tantrum, a child may kick, hit, scream, shriek, thrash, wail, bang his head or hold his breath. If your child is having a tantrum, take a deep breath and stay calm. Remember that you are not to blame, and tantrums are developmentally typical between the ages of two and five. If you don't see a decrease in tantrums after the child turns five, or if she regularly has tantrums that either last more than about 20 minutes or occur many times a day, talk to your pediatrician.
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Instructions
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Refocus the child's attention on something else in order to prevent a tantrum. Briefly state that you know she wants to play with that toy but someone else has it, and then steer the child to a new toy or activity. Use humor and stay calm.
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Hug a very young child during a temper tantrum. Tantrums are a reaction to overwhelming feelings, and they can be very scary for the child. Hold onto her if you feel that it will help her for the duration of the tantrum. Suggest that when she stops screaming, the two of you can figure out how to solve the problem. Then remain quiet and still and just keep hugging.
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Remove the child from the situation altogether for a brief period of time. Sometimes children just need to have a few minutes to put themselves back together. Send her to her room or place her in a specific timeout spot. Have her stay there while you don't look at or talk to her for as many minutes as she is years old. When you first do this, you may have to keep returning the child to the timeout area. Do this with no display of emotion and no words. You may have to do this many times at first but stick to it. Never give a child what she is demanding in order to stop a tantrum.
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Remember the acronym "HALT," which stands for hungry, angry, lonely or tired. These are the four most common states underlying a temper tantrum. Once in this state, if a child wants something or someone's attention and feels she isn't getting it -- or when she is expected to do something against her wishes -- she will erupt in a tantrum. Provide enough rest, regular and nutritious meals, and plenty of exercise and activity to prevent many tantrums. If a child seems lonely, angry or frustrated, give her encouragement and show understanding of her point of view to stop a tantrum before one starts.
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Show your child through your own actions during your everyday life that emotions can even overwhelm adults, but that you can deal with them in healthy ways. Use words to express your own feelings so that the child can see how you do this daily. Talk through how you solve basic problems. When you are angry and someone else is there with you to watch your young child for a few moments, explain that you need to take a brief time-out and walk away. Take several deep breaths and return to the situation when you have calmed down. Praise your child whenever she chooses any of these coping skills instead of having a temper tantrum.
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