How to Date After the Death of a Spouse
The decision to begin dating after the death of your spouse can trigger many underlying emotions, including guilt and grief. Although there is no magical formula to determine when and how you should begin dating again, there are ways to ready yourself for this big step. Focusing your attention inward can better equip you to handle the stress of dating, family reactions and your changing emotions.
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Instructions
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Take time to acknowledge and grieve for your loss. Pretending that you're made of steel only serves to lengthen the grieving process. It also raises the risk that you'll start dating too soon. Share your feelings with positive friends who can provide a shoulder to cry on and solid advice. Find constructive outlets such as journal writing and gardening to help center your thoughts and alleviate stress.
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Give yourself permission to move on with your life. Although losing a spouse is traumatic, you can't stop progressing in or enjoying your own life. While this can be difficult to accept, failing to do so can cause you to remain stagnant. Recalling conversations you had with your spouse about life after his death can make it easier to move forward with your life.
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Examine your reasons for wanting to date. Although it can be difficult to confront your honest desires, listing these motivations can assess your dating readiness. For instance, there's a difference between wanting companionship and seeking a replica of your spouse. Asking a trusted friend to review your list can alert you to unrealistic expectations.
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Take it slow when re-entering the dating scene. Moving too fast can damage your confidence and prevent you from meeting quality dating partners. Avoid scaring off potential relationship partners with early conversations about commitment. Consider going on group or prearranged dates to get used to going out again. This is especially true if you were married for a long time or if you had limited dating experience before getting married.
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Stay honest about your feelings with your dating partner and especially with yourself. Although you're not obligated to disclose full details about your marriage or your spouse's death, giving comfortable amounts of information can help your partner better understand your needs. It can also help you put your new feelings into perspective without devaluing your spouse's memory.
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Tips & Warnings
Going out with a widower may make it easier to transition back into the dating world. Losing a spouse isn't easy and it's not effective to pretend that you're "totally fine" with the situation. Staying mindful of your children's feelings during the dating process can be challenging. Try to communicate your feeling to them in age-appropriate terms.
It may be difficult for some potential partners to accept your feelings for your deceased spouse. Don't expect another person to replace your feelings for your deceased spouse completely.
