How to Make New Friends

We are social creatures. We need to belong. We need to give and receive love. We need to know that no matter how lonely life can feel at times, we are not alone in the world. We need friends. There are many studies that show that having friends increases your quality of life both from a physical and mental standpoint. Of course, most of us don’t need scientific proof to know that friendships are important. But as adults living in a technology-driven world in which we lead crazy-busy lives--making new friends can be a challenge. It’s a challenge well worth undertaking, however--and it is my hope that these tips will make the process of making new friends a little bit easier.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Stop by. Pop in. Hang out. Show up. Make an effort. One of the easiest ways to cultivate a new friendship with somebody is to see that person often. You don’t even have to have tons in common. Just getting face time together can be enough to build a friendship. Whenever you have the opportunity to spend time with people whom you hope to cultivate a friendship, take that opportunity.

2. Get off the Internet and into the world. Virtual friendships are not real friendships. Tweeting, chatting and posting comments on Facebook do not count as bonafide social interaction. Friendship is most satisfying, and most beneficial, when it is face to face. Go for a walk, sit and sip coffee, peruse the library. Do anything to get yourself off the computer and into the real world.

3. Become a regular. Whether it be volunteer work, dance class, a sports league, trivia nights, church, band practice, photography club, find something that you enjoy doing and then do that thing once a week.

4. Remember names. Listen when people talk. Ask thoughtful questions. Be genuinely engaged in conversations. People want to be friends with those who show sincere interest in their lives, so start cultivating and showing curiosity about what’s going on with the people around you.

5. Convey confidence and know that you are worthy of friendship. If you enter a situation feeling insecure and worrying that people in the room won’t like you, chances are pretty good that the people in the room won’t like you. People will respond to you based on the energy you put out.

6. If you don’t have anything nice to say, bite your tongue. In other words, look for the good in people and talk about that good. If your friends often hear you talk badly about other people, they are going to wonder what you say about them when they aren’t around. Gossip is petty, and participating in gossip will undercut all your good qualities that you really want to showcase in order to make new friends.

[bossypants]

on 6/30/2009 Sage advice for making friends! The effort (Step One) is flattering and often appreciated -- and a great way to get started! Thanks!

[karileighk]

on 6/30/2009 Listening when people talk is so important! You don't want to be caught if they refer back to what they said 10 min ago and you're left with a blank look on your face!
I like what you said about gossip because it can hurt so many people. *5

[organicthoughts]

on 6/26/2009 Good article with solid points!