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Step 1
First off, how long have you known this person, and how do you know them? Sometimes we are a little stuck in situations for a variety of reasons. The friend in question grew up across the street from you and your parents still live across the street from each other. You work with this person. They married your cousin.
These are all examples of situations where it's pretty obvious that even though you might want to "break up" with this friend, it might be extremely difficult. After you've asked yourself this first question, if you realize it would be virtually impossible to make a clean break from this person, it is best to just distance yourself instead of ending the friendship. -
Step 2
Second, what did the person do that put the friendship in question? Ask yourself:
Is this causing me to be offended, or am I just not approving of the way they are living their life?
If the offense is against you: Is this one of many rude or downright mean things the person has done to you?
Sometimes, a friend does something that upsets us, but it's nothing they actually did TO us. Say your friend did something unethical at work and told you about it; Now you are questioning the friendship. The question you need to ask yourself here is: Would this person do ANYTHING for me? This is a very important question. If you ask yourself this and you know deep down that if you lost everything you had tomorrow, this friend would insist you sleep on their couch until you got on your feet, then you should try to work out this friendship.
If the offense is against you: Look at the person's track record. Is this the tenth time they've thrown you under the bus in the last year? Might be time to get this toxic person out of your life. Is this the first transgression ever, or in a really long time? Maybe you should let it slide; The person may just be going through a tough time, or there may have been a miscommunication. -
Step 3
What if your friend is just negative and down in the dumps all the time? Take stock of the situation and see if this is just a passing thing, or if this person is just a drain to everyone. If it's a friend who used to be normal but has a newfound negativity, you may be able to help them get back to their usual self with some good heart-to-heart talks and just letting that person get their thoughts off their chest.
If this is a person who has always been negative, talks negatively about other people, is critical, etc., then it may be time to show this person the door before they infect you any further with their poison. -
Step 4
Lastly, if your friend (or should I say "friend") bailed on you when it came to something really important (they were supposed to pick you up at the hospital after your surgery, but forgot all about you because of their new boyfriend/girlfriend), then skip "go" and go directly to jail. Meaning, this person is very obviously toxic and has no place in your life whatsoever.
Comments
ramblin62 said
on 8/28/2009 Helpful advice and real-life example situations for deciding whether to end a friendship. Have had to make this tough decision in the past, and you truly have to step back and look at the friendship's pattern. Thanks!
bethany1202 said
on 8/12/2009 I have a friend in a bad relationship now who really hasn't been much of a "friend" in years. It seems like I give give give and she never wants to do anything except take. I have tried to not let it come between us, but it's really affecting the way I view her in a negative way. : (
ladyt06 said
on 8/6/2009 true and real. sometimes friendships need to end...5*s
ReuseItAll said
on 8/6/2009 Its so important to decide if friendships, or any relationship, is healthy for you or not. This is terrific advice. All relationships are supposed to be good for you!
edieness said
on 7/6/2009 Great tips on How to Decide Whether or Not to End a Friendship.5*