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Step 1
First and foremost the single Dad wants to be treated just like the single Mom. It is not necessary to heap undue praise on the single Dad. For example, "oh, it's so great you're raising your kids!" It's no different than a single Mom, and it's just as challenging. Accolades are not given to the single Mom, so it's not necessary to patronize the single Dad.
Over the past 10 years as a single Dad, women have stated, "we only compliment you because most Dad's don't typically raise their children." Actually that's neither here nor there. If a guy chooses to be a "deadbeat dad" that's either his choice or he doesn't want to take on the challenge of co-exisiting with the mother and the child. Whatever his decision, keep two things in mind: 1) It is every parents responsibility, male or female, to take care of their offspring, and 2) There are "deadbeat moms" as well. There are often extenuating circumstances that don't give some men a chance to raise their children. Therefore, if you're not going to pat a single Mom on the back for "raising her children," don't pat a single dad on the back, because he's not doing it for the praise, he's doing it because he loves his kids, just like the single Mom. -
Step 2
Don't make idiotic statements or pose ridiculous questions to the single Dad. This author has heard this question once or twice a year for the past ten years, and it comes from someone you have not seen in a while, or someone you have not talked to in a while. The question is, "Do you still have your kids?" NO, I sold them on eBay! What tha ..??? A single Mom would never get that question. Why would you think I didn't have them? Are you thinking I'm going to wake up one day and say, "hmmmm, don't think I want to raise my kids anymore." It's a lame question and one who ask that question, in their defense, is just not thinking clearly at the time.
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Step 3
Schools are a tad disrespectful to the single Father as well. When my children were in elementary school and I would meet their teachers for the first time, or attend a school function, the teachers would often close a sentence, or instructions with, "and tell her mother, or his mother to take a look at this, that, or the other." After my second or third visit I'd get them straight. It used to bother me but after we all - teachers, physicians, etc., got to know one another they would finally begin to show me, the single Dad, the same respect that is given to the single mom, and then the patronizing starts.
To pat a guy on the back for being a single Dad is tantamount to patting a puppy on the head, "good doggie, nice doggie." Because it doesn't amount to anything; it's a hollow compliment, when deep down inside the respect is not there, more often than not what's truly there is resentment. I've been places with my children and I've seen women "roll their eyes" and make facial expressions that say anything but admiration or respect. Therefore, the best way to respect the single Dad is to treat him the exact same way you treat a single Mom.
Comments
tyoungmil said
on 11/28/2009 Wonderful article. Without good fathers, the discredit will continue. I am appreciative of the wonderful woman that had the courage to write this article, what a blessing you are. Thanks.
sethb1 said
on 8/22/2009 This article hits home. As a single father, I have faced similar situations and it just goes to show just how much society needs to wake up and increase the awareness. Good article