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Step 1
The author with her son in the hospital.Count your blessings.
While it might be hard to count your blessings amid medical trials, counting them certainly brightens your outlook! One of my children with Shwachman-Diamond Syndrome also has a plethora of other medical challenges. Among other things, he has had neurosurgery for release of tethered spinal cord and dealt with a neurogenic bladder for as long as he can remember. As we stood in an exam room recently, I had to remind myself, "Pattie, don't lose it. If you lose it, he will lose it. If you don't cope, he won't cope." At that moment, I immediately began to count my blessings and tried to see the blessings in his having to begin intermittent catheterization (IC). It was very hard for me to contain my emotions when the doctor explained our options that day. I knew that everything I was feeling must be magnified for my son. I knew that I had to keep my cool so that I could help him cope. It was difficult to find positives in IC, no doubt, but I knew if we wanted to make it through that first day, we would need to focus on the blessings to get us through. As our friend Angela Brown used to say, "Positive thoughts equals positive results." The first step in being positive is to count your blessings. -
Step 2
The author's son during a procedure at the hospital.Pray.
Prayer will calm your soul and allow you to connect with God. I admit that I am not always that great about counting my blessings, especially during periods of extreme stress. Before we began our training session, my son and I knelt down and prayed. My heart almost broke when he told me, "I don't think Jesus is with me. If He was with me, none of this would be happening." We later talked about how Jesus Himself cried out from the cross for His Father. I told him that He did that so that we would know that He understood how we felt. We also talked about the positive side of IC while we were waiting for the nurse to come in to train us. We counted our blessings. Stopping to pray gave us the boost we needed to be able to count our blessings! Prayer is important! -
Step 3
The author's son pretending to be Darth Vader in the recovery after one of his surgeries.Check off the positives.
Make a list and check off the things you consider to be a positive about your current medical situation. It might not be easy to do, but it will remind you that there are positives to the treatment! It has been life-changing to do intermittent catheterization (IC) every four hours during the day. I would be lying if I said I can always see the positive side of IC. The first week ofIC was painful beyond measure. When he was upset one night during this first week, I began to talk to him about how we could look at the positives. This new treatment would be hard, but he would be dry and hopefully not have accidents. He would be able to go and play and not have to worry about accidents. He would not have to worry about whether or not his friends might notice. He could come in for IC and go right back out to play. I explained that while he had to restart the medication that he disliked, we would be doing it on a different schedule so that the side effects might be lessened. These were all things we could check off on the "positive" column. IC would also be protecting his kidneys from damage due to his high pressure, neurogenic bladder. Lots of positives be checked off that day. -
Step 4
The author's son and his neurosurgeon.Do not be afraid to be upset over the negatives while at the same time focusing on the positives.
Talk about the negative side of your treatment. You have to talk about it, acknowledge that there are negatives. Do not minimize your situation. As my son laid there in bed one night, he cried a bit when he realized that IC might be forever. He said that he wanted to be a normal kid. I told him that I never wanted to minimize his problems or make him think that having health problems or having to catheterize was not a big deal or something worthy of being upset over. After I said that, I added, "But, you know, we really need to count our blessings. There are so many children out there who have it much worse. While catheterization isn't fun, you will still be able to go outside and play, you can still ride your bike, play baseball, swim and so many other things. You'll have to catheterize every four hours, but you will still be able to do all of the things you were able to do before." -
Step 5
The author and her son taking a break from the hospital in the hotel before going back for another procedure.Realize that no one is normal. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Not one person on the planet is completely normal. That night, we also discussed difficult topics. I told my son that even kids he feels are "normal" wish that they were normal. It can be a normal part of childhood to feel as if you do not fit in, that you are somehow different than others-so what he was feeling was, in fact, NORMAL. We also talked about how everyone has strengths and weaknesses; everyone has struggles and suffering. These topics are not easy to bring up with a child, but they are important concepts for a child to learn. As parents, it is our job to help each of our children build upon their strengths and overcome their weaknesses, chronic illness or not. My one healthy son struggled for many years with reading comprehension problems while my SDS boys have never dealt with learning disabilities. We all have problems to overcome, it is only a matter of degree. Counting your blessings is a conscious choice to look at the positive things in your life. While you do have to pay attention to the medical details, you do have a choice about how it affects your outlook. -
Step 6
The author's son saying "cheese" to take his mind off the needle.It pays off to be positive and count your blessings!
Feeling better after our long talk that night, we said our prayers and he fell fast asleep. A few days later, as we were walking into the grocery store, my son announced, "Cathing isn't going to be so bad." His dad looked at him and said, "Well, that's a positive attitude to have." My son then said, "Well I learned to look on the bright side from mom." That spoke volumes to me. As a mother, I really do influence how my children cope with adversity. If I am negative, then they will be negative. If I am positive and count my blessings, then they will learn to do the same.
