How to Stop Dating a Married Man

For most women, dating a married man can be like being on an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. Whether you've been dating him a while or just started having an affair, ending a relationship with a married man is usually very difficult. Many psychologists believe that women who date married men have underlying emotional abandonment issues that stem from childhood. Leaving a married man is more than just calling it quits. You have to address the psychological undercurrents of what brought you into a relationship without a commitment in the first place.

Difficulty:

Challenging

Instructions

1. To stop dating a married man, find a good therapist who understands the addictive nature of women who date emotionally unavailable men. Chances are your motivations have to do with growing up around emotionally unavailable people. Remember, you're seeing a therapist to talk about your feelings, not his.

2. Treat your attraction to a married man as an addiction. If you feel that your relationship with a married man is like a drug and you go to many lengths to get your "fix," then chances are you are a relationship addict.

3. Start attending Al-anon meetings or another appropriate group therapy regularly. Listening and talking with others who share similar backgrounds will help you be honest with yourself about your reasons for dating a married man.

4. To stop dating a married man, start writing down all the things that attracted you to him. Make sure you write about your feelings, not his.

5. When you're ready to leave him and you mean it, just do it. You don't need to explain anything. It doesn't have to be a drawn-out-big-screen debut with peaks and valleys of tears and drama.

6. Take a break from dating men for a while. Now is the time to spend time with yourself. After you stop dating a married man, you're going to feel a real uncomfortable emptiness. Fill that hole with something healthy like exercise or a new hobby. Go back to school. Resist the urge to call him. Call a girlfriend instead who will listen and not judge you.

7. Make a list in writing of red flag warnings about men. Here's some ideas to get you started. Any man who is married or is in a relationship is off limits. Avoid alcoholics and drug addicts. Stay away from any man who constantly complains about his wife or ex. Don't feel sorry for men who don't have their lives together. Don't try to fix a man or be the reason for his happiness.

8. After making a list of red flag warnings, make a list of things you want in a relationship like someone is able to commit, someone who is honest, and someone who treats you well. Putting things in writing is one of the best ways to bring things to fruition.

9. If you balk at the work involved in these steps, think about the lengths you've gone to get "him" to be there for you. Take all that energy you've been using to impress him and turn it on yourself.

Resources

• Co-Dependents Anonymous
• Al-anon