Things You'll Need:
- Deceit, about 600 bucks and a pair of testicles.
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Step 1
I'm going to go ahead and assume that you've broached the subject of getting a gun at one time or another and been soundly rebuffed - else, why are you reading this article? So, with all that, your first step is to accept defeat on that front and proceed to step 2.
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Step 2
Start watching all the crime stories on A&E, Bravo or the Discovery Channel. Watch shows at night about the rising crime in inner cities (if you live in the city) or the growing gang menace in the suburbs (if you live in the suburbs). If you can find a show about how crime in the cities is driving into the suburbs then that covers all bases!
Obviously, the purpose of this step is to show her just how dangerous the world is, no matter who's winning American Idol, or how-cool-it-is that they opened a new Starbucks at the end of your block. -
Step 3
Step 3 requires you to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Yep, you got it, nothing at all. Try to do nothing at all for a good month. What I mean by this is DON'T go out. Don't go to the movies, sporting events, concerts, friends houses (by all means, stay away from all your friends) for at least a month. What we're trying to do here is BORE the wife to death. Find something to do around the house. If you get in trouble (for example, she gets an invite to go out with the girls and talk about feminine hygiene) then you need to sabotage it. Ideas:
1) fake sickness - go in the bathroom and dry heave until she's too guilty to go out.
2) If you have plastic pipes, slap one of them quickly with a hammer, causing a terrible leak, and then immediately twist the shutoff-valve shut. This will give you time to go out to the Home Depot while she "keeps an eye on it".
By all means, your wife has to be bored to death for all this to work... -
Step 4
Now here's the kicker. Everyone has a friend or friends that own guns, and most likely your wife doesn't like those people very much. If she does, so much the better, but lets assume she thinks they're all a bunch of rednecks. Either way, she should be bored enough now to hang out with just about anyone. Now YOU need to get in contact with those rednecks and invite yourself over for a cookout. At the cookout, your friends (one of which must be the "wife of" a gun-owner) will talk about how there was a HOME INVASION just next-door. Or, if they have any true stories about how guns saved their lives, they'd tell those stories. At this point, you make your move. Say something like, "Wow, we're thinking of getting a dog to stop...bleh bleh bleh". Or maybe, "We live in a good neighborhood so we don't need....." That's when all your friends, forever known now as your REAL FRIENDS, jump in and tell you what a damn fool you are! Then they'll invite you out to the gun range to shoot. This will help your wife get over her fear, give her a sense of control that she doesn't have, and who knows, she might even like it.
Your welcome...
Comments
sewcraftful said
on 7/21/2009 You're pretty funny. In a good way. *****
tachic said
on 7/16/2009 Interesting tips to convince your wife to let you get a gun.
NightowlMama said
on 7/11/2009 O my glad you got what you asked for :)
lordjeffrey said
on 7/10/2009 One of my big worries is that my guns will be stolen. I don't make an effort to hide them. I only keep the expensive AR15 hidden - not for home protection. More of a fun target shooting "hey I'm cool" gun. And of course, if one of our cities gets nuked and the world goes all to heck and its road-warrior time, well, I'll be ready. Lets hope that never happens.
sonni57 said
on 7/9/2009 It's okay to have fun with our ehow articles. I had 2 guns and they both got stolen it wasn't funny at the time but now well I don't care.