Things You'll Need:
- Paper and pen
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Step 1
Make a list of all the qualities you want in the perfect person for you. Do this at a time that you are not in a relationship so that your list is not slanted by your current relationship. Your list should include not only physical features but personality features as well. Have a trusted friend review the list with you to make sure you haven't forgotten anything important. Don't forget two very important items: the person should be single (or divorced and available if that is okay with you) and they should be interested in you. Put a star by items on the list that are non-negotiable or "must haves." For example: If you want to have children, there is no point dating someone who doesn't want children.
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Step 2
For dating purposes, you are going to arrange the list with the items you can determine within ten minutes at the top of the list. Think of this as "speed determination." In the first ten minutes when you meet someone you can usually discover several things about them such as: their physical characteristics, some personality traits, what they do for a living, if they are single or divorced, if they have kids and whether or not they live locally. These things aren't necessarily the most IMPORTANT items but only the things you can discover quickly in the first ten minutes.
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Step 3
If after ten minutes, you find they have met enough of your top ten items, then going out on a first date will be the next step. Before your date, review your list to remind yourself of what you are looking for in a long-term relationship. This may sound odd but so many people are distracted by a few good features and tend to ignore undesirable traits, rationalizing that they aren't that important. If it was important enough to put on your list, then it's important. If you thinking the person will change then you are fooling yourself. In most cases, what you see is what you get.
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Step 4
After each date, refer to your list. Were you able to check off more items? If you have discovered that your date possesses a non-negotiable item such as they smoke and you don't want to be with a smoker or they want children and you don't, then you must decline to go out with them again. So many people keep dating the same person because they are having fun even when they know that this isn't the right person for them. The best thing about referring to your list is it will keep what you really want in front of you and help you stay focused. The sooner you know someone is not right for you, the sooner you can more on. This is best for both people.
