How to Fish While Drunk

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By T G Hardee
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Article Rating: (8 Ratings)

Water and booze. Too often the two get tangled together, and the outcome isn't always pretty. If you're going to fish while drunk, at least look at these funny but good tips, and do it right.
This article is dedicated to a deceased aquaintance of mine - the only man I ever knew to get cut on the face with a Case XX pocket knife while fishing. An irate angler got fed up with his antics, and sliced him.
Be aware that this article is sarcastic, and you should use common sense and do the opposite of most things discussed here for an enjoyable day on the water. Don't you just love Rednecks. I do.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

patient designated driver/fishing partner/caretaker
really good floatation vest
fish hook remover
pain killers (for the people around you)
hangover helper
small brain
wildlife officer with a good sense of humor who likes a little sip himself

Step 1

Fish on a crowded pier, but make sure it is equipped with high, sturdy rails. First thing, sling your rod around in a big circle while whoopin' and hollerin'. Tell everyone around you that you had Budweiser for breakfast, and there's plenty to last the afternoon. This will certainly clear out a nice area for you to fish undisturbed.
Step 2

Fish from a boat. This is where the floatation vest really comes in handy. While backing down the boat landing, fall out of the truck, then run to the back and direct your designated driver to keep backing up until he realizes the truck is almost under water. This will start things off right.
Step 3

Sit in the boat and cast your line up on the river bank where others are trying to fish or sunbathe. Laugh like a maniac when they start yelling at you. Offer them a beer as a peace offering.
Step 4

Insist that your designated driver pull the boat real close to where other boaters are anchored. Turn up the music and start screaming like a maniac while casting your line over theirs. This is a good way to make friends. It works every time.
Step 5

Bring along a can of nice smelly sardines to eat while fishing. Be sure to get the juice from the can all over your shirt. If there's any juice left after finishing the sardines, just pour it on yourself. Women find this scent irresistable on a Redneck man. Do this about noon so the smell can bake in the hot sun all afternoon.
Step 6

Fall out of the boat at least once. The best time to do this is when returning to the boat landing. There will probably be lots of witnesses. Don't waste a good splash when no one is around.
Step 7

Learn good techniques to remove fish hooks from your own flesh. It saves money on trips to the emergency room. Anyway, you're already filled with anesthesia, right?
Step 8

Bring an extra shirt and pair of shoes. Many drunk fishermen seem to lose track of these. Also bring an extra fishing pole and plenty of line to re-string.
Step 9

Fish on the bottom of the lake or river while drunk. It's easier. You can kick back and suck your bottle while waiting for a bite.
Step 10

Forget to tie the boat down after loading it on the trailer. It'll fall off in the middle of the road when you leave the next stop sign. This might be the highlight of your trip. If anyone is nice enough to stop and help you load it back up, cuss them out. (Honestly, I've personally seen this happen.)
Step 11

Bring a camera and have your partner take pictures. You'll want to share those precious moments with your grandchildren so they can get a jump start on drunk fishing. Also, these pictures are great to display at your funeral to conjur up fond memories from your pals. It also gives some insight to your personality to those who attended just for the heck of it.
Step 12

When the Department of Natural Resources officer gets you, be sure to curse him all the way to the jail. He'll be real impressed.
Step 13

Share what vague memories you have of your outing with the Sunday school class. They probably already know about it, but will respect you for 'fessing up.