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Step 1
Detach, detach, detach! You absolutely must not let another person's disrespectful attitude penetrate your soul and damage your spirit. As author Karen Burns writes, "Don't let them see they are getting to you." I agree and encourage you to take it another step further: don't let them get to you, period. Another person is just another person; another person is not a superpower, all-knowing god. Another person's opinion of you or behavior toward you has no bearing on who you really are.
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Step 2
Say, "It's not me, it's them." There are all kinds of reasons why people act disrespectful, but usually it boils down to the overblown egos they build to hide their insecurities and internal fears. People can be self-absorbed, unaware, immature, jealous or just clueless. Whatever the reasons, remember, another person's behavior is another person's behavior. It has nothing to do with you, so don't take it as sign that something is wrong with you.
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Step 3
Stop trying to prove yourself to others. Trying to earn the respect of disrespectful people can become addictive. We want to be respected and when we sense that we are not, we change our behavior in a way that we think will earn us more respect. When that new line of behavior doesn't earn us the respect we want, we try a new tactic. When that doesn't work, we do something else again. In the end, we lose ourselves and become scattered and empty. You are not at work to win a popularity contest. You are at work to do a job. Remain focused on that job and drop out of the workplace social dynamics.
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Step 4
Know thyself, respect thyself. One of the reasons the disrespect of another person is so painful for us is because it serves as a mirror of our own insecurities and as a reminder that we might not be respecting ourselves as much as we should be. Self-respect is the only kind of respect that matters. Do you respect yourself? How can you respect yourself more? What can you do to cultivate a deeper sense of self-worth? Hold your center. Be kind to yourself. And above all, value your own self-respect as more important than the respect or acknowledgment that you receive from others.
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Step 5
Find an ally at the workplace. I'm not talking about gossiping, building a case against the disrespectful coworker or asking people to choose sides. If the acts of disrespect are large--like sexual harassment, verbal insults--and interfere with your ability to do your job, you may want to seek counsel from a fellow employee, your boss, your boss's boss or your company's human resources team.
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Step 6
Discipline your mind and your mouth. Do not think or talk about your coworkers when you leave the job. Venting to loved ones may seem like a great way to release pent-up anger, but I find that this sort of behavior actually has the reverse effect. Ultimately venting serves not to release, but rather to reinforce the negative situation. The more you think and talk about your frustrations, the stronger those frustrations become. Talk only about your work life with loved ones only if you are seeking their input to find a solution. Do not start your conversation with, "My coworker is such a jerk!" Rather begin by saying, "I am having difficulty with one of my coworkers and I'm wondering if you can help me brainstorm some solutions." This will keep your conversation (and your mind) focused on how to productively move forward rather than simply rehashing the negative feelings of the past.
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Step 7
Quit. It can be easy to grow accustomed to disrespectful behavior and assume that this is just the way the world works. While it is the way that some circles in the world work, not all workplaces are filled with disrespect. If you have tried your best but are still not able to do a good job at your job under the current circumstances or if the disrespect you are receiving is corroding your self-esteem, you may want to consider looking for a new job, or if you have the financial means, quitting immediately. A major component of self-respect is not subjecting yourself to abusive situations for sustained periods of time.
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Step 8
Protect yourself. Leaving a job immediately is not always an option and in our current economy, finding a new job could take a long time. In the meantime, make your mental health the main priority. Be kind to yourself; don't take the disrespect personally and put a shield around your heart.
