How to Help a Friend with the Death of a Loved One
The passing of a loved one can be a transforming experience that changes a person for life. If you have a close friend who is dealing with the intense grief and emotions associated with death, then you may feel at a loss and not exactly sure what to do or say. However, it is important to remember that as a friend, the best thing you can do is to serve as a support system and offer comfort.
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Instructions
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Allow your friend to open up to you. Listening can be the most valuable way for you to help a grieving friend. If your friend feels the need to get it all out by screaming or sobbing, offer him your presence without criticism or judgment. Simply listen and be there for comfort. Even if you say absolutely nothing, sometimes just being there can go a long way in helping your friend through the grieving process. Give your friend a hug or even just a compassionate look.
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Understand that grieving is not an overnight process. Be patient. Your friend is probably going to need a lot of time to get through the death of someone she cared so much about. Do not set aside a time limit for how long your friend should mourn. It may take her three weeks to begin acting "normally" again. Or may take her three years (or longer) to be herself. Realize that the grieving process (and moving on) is a difficult thing and you cannot just snap your fingers and get over a life-changing experience. Everyone grieves at their own pace.
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Volunteer to help out with errands. When a death shakes up a person's world, he may find it next to impossible to perform routine tasks. Something as simple as making dinner might just be too overwhelming for him. The activity may remind him of his lost loved one, or he just may not have the energy to get through it. Help your friend by making genuine offers to help him in life. If he has children, ask him if you can pick them up from school. If he needs help with food preparations, help him make meals for a couple of weeks.
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Show sensitivity. Knowing what to say to a grieving person can be difficult. The last thing you want to do is come across as insensitive, so always select your words carefully. Refrain from remarks that may seem rude or thoughtless, like "Your aunt is happier now" or "I felt just as sad as you do when this happened to me." Everyone is different. Every situation is different. Show respect and acknowledge that everyone has unique experiences.
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Tell your friend that you are there for her. If your friend feels lost and alone, the thing she needs the most is your availability. No matter how busy you may be, try to take some time out for her. Tell her that she can call you at any hour of the day. Check up on her routinely via the phone, email or text messages. Let your friend know that you are constantly thinking of her and her well-being.
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Talk about memories. One way you may be able to comfort your friend is by asking him to share with you his happiest memories of his lost loved one. If you also knew the lost loved one, exchange some good memories you have, as well.
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Encourage her to get outside. If your friend is having difficulty getting out of bed and facing the world every day, make an effort to suggest hanging out and doing things together. Whether you ask your friend if she wants to go for a hike with you or go see a movie together, take it upon yourself to help your friend get outside and heal.
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Tips & Warnings
If you suspect that your friend is extremely depressed and are worried that he is not taking care of himself properly, talk to him kindly about the possibility of seeking grief therapy or visiting a counselor. Some warnings to watch out for include insomnia, substance abuse and talk of suicide. If your friend even suggests the idea of suicide, take steps to get him professional assistance as soon as possible --- no excuses.
References
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