How to Be Unemployed a Year After Graduation

Not long after school ends, the typical college graduate uses his hard-earned degree to begin his career or to pursue further schooling. However, by following these easy steps, I have been able to avoid both consistent employment and higher education for over a year.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• beer
• sense of adventure
• lack of motivation
• financial recklessness
• hatred for The Man
• someone else who's bored

1. 

   *Get a BA in Psychology.
   
   And while you're at it, let your GPA slide down to a near-unacceptable level. Your class rank should be around 475 out of 521.

2. 

   * Allow your graduation festivities to spiral out of control.
   
   Don't stop partying until at least nine or ten days later, when you are unable to act normal in public. Only when you have suffered enough nerve damage to collapse in front of everyone at an afternoon barbecue may you be excused.

3. 

   * Rest for a few days and gather your strength. Repeat.

4. 

   * Once summer is over, move to the city.
   
   Slip into a coma. Start your job search three weeks later.

5. 

   *Get a job at a sports bar.
   
   Have your will to live crushed by college football fans, but make enough money that you don't care.

6. *Randomly buy plane tickets to Japan.
   
   Fail to save enough money for your trip.

7. * Despite the recession, quit your job before you leave for Tokyo.
   
   Even though your boss would have given you the time off. Disregard the advice of others and dye your hair bleached-blonde and hot pink.

8. 

   *Go to Japan.
   
   Go to Hawaii. Go to Colorado. Go to Atlanta. Go to Colorado. Drive slowly with your sister to California, and slowly back to Colorado. Drive to Las Vegas. Finally arrive in Denver for good.

9. 
   Despair.

   *Suddenly realize it's June, and you don't have enough money to buy bread.
   
   Sell everything you can on Craigslist and start frantically writing eHow articles.

Tips & Warnings

• Enjoy yourself while you're doing all of these things
• Bring a nice camera to Japan for cherry blossom season
• Do not buy anything in Japan that looks like Neosporin; it is not
• Pink dye is hard to get out

Resources

• Sashimi Horse

[dorigillman]

on 7/19/2009 ok then.