How to Know When Is The Right Time to Get Engaged

When is the right time to get engaged? This will differ dramatically due to the individual couple's history, personal beliefs and culture.

Getting engaged is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make in this lifetime. The fact that you are asking when is the right time is a great sign. It means you are not charging into anything without forethought. Use this article to guide you in your trek for true happiness.

Instructions

1. 

   CONSIDER YOUR PERSONAL TIMELINE/GOALS - From the time we are young, we have an image of what our grown up lives will look like. A lot of the time these views are based on romantic movies, television or what we see in our culture. Sometimes these notions are realistic, sometimes they are extremely unrealistic. Either way, they are a part of us as human beings and what we want to accomplish in this life.

   Speaking as a woman, I know that most women have "Timelines." Married by 26, Baby by 28, etc. When trying to decide when to get engaged, these timelines will have a place, but it is vital that you realize the priority of the place in your life.

   Because timelines are often something created by a culture you grew up with or a misconception adopted from media, it is important that you are flexible. As you grow and learn as an adult, you may want to revise your Timeline.

   On the other hand, what age you want to experience certain things needs to be considered when wondering if this the right time to get engaged. If you want to have children early, make sure you have a certain amount of time being married before trying to conceive! I would recommend 1-2 years.

   What is your timeline? How did you come up with that timeline? Would you be willing to change your timeline? What is your significant others timeline? Are they compatible?

2. 

   CONSIDER THE LENGTH OF TIME YOU HAVE BEEN WITH THE PERSON - People get married after knowing each other weeks and live happily ever after. It happens, but it also happens very often that people will get engaged or married while they are in the "infatuation stage" and will not be able to see signs to know if it is a wise relationship.

   You should be with your significant other at least 6 months before getting engaged. Typically from 6 months to a year the "infatuation stage" will wear off and little annoyances will come about. When this happens you will be able to see how you argue as a couple and how you resolve arguments. Problem behaviors will start to arise such as addictive personality, etc. Unfortunately, these just can NOT be seen during the infatuation stage, so you will be going into the relationship blind.

   **It is best that you wait as long as possible to engage in physical activity, so that you can judge character before physical attraction becomes too distracting or the relationship too serious.

3. 

   CONSIDER YOUR RELATIONSHIP - Before asking if this is the right time to get engaged, it is vital that you ask is this the right person to be engaged to. 50% of marriages in America end in divorce and many more live an unhappy existence.

   If you want to have a successful, rewarding and happy marriage both partners will need to willing to work on the relationship. Both of you will need to put your relationship first. You may need to read books, go to therapy and learn how to change patterns passed on to you by dysfunctional parents. If your significant other is not willing to do this during the relationship, he/she is NOT the right person to be engaged to. It is much easier to break up before the wedding, than after. Marriage is through better and worse and as no human being is perfect, you can guarantee that there will be a worst. You need to make sure that both people will be committed to making the marriage a success. If this is not the case, you should end the relationship, make yourself healthy and find someone else.

   Other things to consider will be major problems such as physical or verbal abuse, major financial problems or addictions. Know that if you get engaged to this person these habits will most likely worsen over time. Although this is not a certainty, you need to be prepared for that possibility. If you can not live with that, end the relationship. If the person is not willing to get counseling now for that now and stay in counseling, it is wisest to leave the relationship.

   **When you are in love with someone, it is extremely hard to leave a relationship. Sometimes it is the wisest thing to do for both people and can remove a lot of heartache down the road for both of you.

4. 

   CONSIDER YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION - While finances should NOT dictate when is the right time to get engaged, it should play a part in planning for your wedding and your life as newlyweds.

   Weddings are expensive and financial problems are one of the most common causes of arguments in marriage. While finances should not be an excuse to not get married, you should never get into debt over a wedding. In fact, from the moment you think about getting engaged, you should start saving. You should also go through money management courses as a couple and decide upon how you want to budget your money.

   If the woman you want to propose to will only be happy with a big wedding and an expensive home consider theoretically talking to her about, "what if we had to live in an apartment as newlyweds" and probe how she feels about that. What if we had a small wedding...

   Many couples will be very happy to start out with a small savings fund and living frugally, others will not feel comfortable until they are ready financially. Make sure you and your significant other are on the same page where you would like to be financially when married. If you are not yet there and are ok with waiting, it may not be the right time to get engaged.

5. 

   CONSIDER YOUR PERSONAL EMOTIONAL HEALTH - You are not ready to get married unless you are an emotionally healthy person (or on your way to becoming emotionally healthy).

   If you have issues to resolve, please do so before asking your significant other to marry you. Make sure you are at least in therapy and on your way to being emotionally healthy before bringing someone else into your life. This will set you up for a more successful marriage.

Tips & Warnings

• Look in the resource section for books to study during the engagement period. These books (especially the one by Gottman) will be incredibly successful in your trek to happiness.

• Do not use minor faults to put off getting engaged. If you are not dating someone who you want to marry, you should probably end the relationship. If you are waiting until you are better prepared emotionally and financially, make sure to let your significant other know that you are making yourself a better you so that you can be a better spouse for him/her.

Resources

• John Gottman - Making Marriage Work (read during engagement!!!)
• For Men Only & For Women Only
• The Steps in Getting Engaged (for Women)
• The Steps in Getting Engaged (for Men)