How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship

Love should not be painful.

Many times it can be hard to recognize an abusive relationship because things can change gradually and go from bliss to fear so slowly that you may not realize what is happening. Abusive relationships are not always about a slap in the face -- many relationships are mentally and emotionally abusive but may not be physically abusive.

Things You'll Need

• Internet research
• Support of loved ones
• Spiritual faith helps too

Instructions

1. Know the signs to watch out for. People who are abusers may be jealous, controlling, very critical, have an extremely bad temper, and may come from a family with a history of abuse. Abusers tend to be very insecure and try to compensate in other ways. For example, abusive men might try to act macho and "manly" and can be domineering and controlling of women.

2. Abusers are often charming and attentive at the beginning of a relationship, but it may indicate a problem if the abuser will not respect your space and wants too much time with you. This may be due to extreme jealousy and obsession, and a tendency to be controlling.

3. In an abusive relationship, everything becomes controlled by one partner. Watch out for someone who doesn't want you to spend time with friends or family and who seems "needy" or to always demand your attention. Isolation will allow the abuse to get worse, enabling the abuser.

4. Abusers might also make fun of and argue with their partners, putting them down publicly and privately. This is called verbal abuse.

5. If your partner exhibits any of these signs of emotional abuse, or if your partner physically hurts you in any way, it is time to get help. Find free counseling programs, or call the national Domestic Violence Hotline. Also seek help from family, friends, counselors or spiritual advisers. It will not be easy, but if you are in an abusive relationship, things will only get worse.

Tips & Warnings

• Accept that you cannot change your partner. If your partner shows signs of abuse, it is time to end the relationship as soon as you can and seek help from professionals or loved ones.

• If you fear for your safety, get out to a public place or shelter immediately. There are crisis centers and free hotlines and websites that are standing by 24/7 to help.

References

• Dr. Irene's Verbal Abuse Site: The Verbally Abusive Partner
• Stanford: Controlling and Abusive Relationships

Resources

• National Domestic Violence Hotline