How to Divorce a Cheater
Some divorces happen rather matter-of-factly, with both sides assenting to the outcome. But when one spouse files for divorce because the other has had one or more affairs, the hurt feelings and raw emotions can create sparks in the legal proceeding. When divorcing a cheater, many spurned spouses want to use every possible avenue to leverage themselves over their adulterous partner.
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Instructions
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File on grounds of adultery. Some states, like California, do not allow for fault divorces on adultery or any other grounds. But even some of those that don't consider adultery when dividing property and determining who must pay legal costs. By establishing and pressing the issue of adultery, you can usually get a better deal. Misappropriation of marriage funds, as in spending it on a boyfriend or girlfriend, can entitle the other spouse to a reimbursement of half the misappropriated funds.
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Gather evidence. The more evidence of extramarital affairs, the stronger your case for adultery. Don't underestimate electronic devices like cell phones, PDAs, laptop computers and email accounts as sources of evidence. Confronting the cheater with these facts might lead them to agree with a largely one-sided settlement in your favor to prevent the affair becoming public. If that's not effective, the evidence can be used when filing and before the judge.
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Milk it. When negotiating the division of property, the fact of your spouse's adultery gives you the advantage in virtually every category on top of any explicit benefits. Child custody tilts toward you, the virtuous spouse, as long as it's in the best interests of the children. If the affair was particularly egregious, or at least played up that way, it could be argued that the mental anguish has rendered you unable to work, instantly raising your alimony and child support payments at least for a period. On the other hand, if you're the one paying the support, your soon-to-be-ex spouse's need for support diminishes if they cohabitate with another partner.
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Sue the third party. A minority of states allow you to sue a person directly for "alienation of affection" or "criminal conversation," both of which boil down to coming between married spouses. Even if you are not in a state that still enforces these torts, there might be other civil claims you can make. Just the threat of a credible suit is further leverage that can be used in divorce settlement negotiations.
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Tips & Warnings
It's not absolutely necessary to have a lawyer when filing for divorce, but if you absolutely want to stick it to a cheater, it's best to get a divorce attorney involved early in the process.
A minority of states are community property states and do not consider fault when dividing property. Most states, however, are equitable distribution states and allow the judge to weigh certain facts, such as adultery, when deciding who gets what. This article does not provide legal advice, and all claims made here should be verified by certified legal professional before acting on them.
