How to Keep in Touch with Your Children After Divorce

Divorce isn't pleasant for anyone- certainly not children. But during and after a divorce it is important for children to have meaningful contact with both parents, even when those parents are not getting along.

Here are some ways to keep in contact with your children when divorce makes it difficult.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A Computer
• A Telephone
• A Paper and Pen
• Some Imagination

1. Calling your children on the telephone can be a good way of keeping in contact with your children when they are not in your custody- or it can be bad, depending on how you do it.
   
   Find out when would be the best time to call them- before or after dinner? Before or after a bath? Before bedtime? Make sure that you call when you say you will, and that your call is expected. Make the call light-hearted- ask what they've been up to and tell them what you've been doing. Reassure them that you are thinking of them and love them.

2. Cell phone texting is an option for children who have cell phones. Sending a short text every other day or so might be a good way of connecting with your children. Don't get lengthy- just say 'Whatcha doin? Miss ya'.

3. For children with internet access, emailing might be a way to keep in touch. Once again, sending short, but sweet messages letting them know what you're up to, asking what they've been doing, and reasserting that you are thinking about them and care about them should work well.

4. When the children are with you, you can always send them back with a short handwritten note telling them how much you care about them.

Tips & Warnings

• Resist the urge to use communication with your children as a means to get information about your ex.
• Focus on your children. Do not ask about your ex.
• Do not try to communicate with your children at times that are inconvenient for your children or your ex.
• Never say anything bad about your ex during your contact with your children.
• Always imagine that your ex is listening in on, or reading during every contact with your children, and give them nothing to have conflict with you about, and act accordingly.
• Do not get angry if your children do not respond to your contact in the way you would like- you have no idea what pressure may be put on them from your ex. Or, being children, how they forget about people's feelings, including yours.
• Allow your ex the same access to your children when they are in your custody.
• Be the person you'd like other people to be.
• Using communication with your children as a tool in divorce will likely blow up in your face. Your children did not choose to have their parents divorce- so leave them out of it.

[PearlsWisdom]

on 9/25/2009 Good tips and smart advice.

[kimarkent]

on 6/3/2009 Excellent tips on How to Keep in Touch with your children after a divorce. Resisting the urge to talk bad about your ex to your children is probably the most important thing to consider. You raised great options, texting, computer, notes, and reminding us not to get angry if children don't respond in the way you'd like. Great article. 5* and recommended!