How to Discipline Your Child without Spanking: Positive Parenting

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By jujudy
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Positive Child Discipline

Child discipline without spanking takes time, patience, and a good understanding of what child discipline is all about. There was a time when phrases such as "children are to be seen and not heard" and "spare the rod, spoil the child" were the conventional wisdom in regard to child rearing. And spanking children was the primary means of teaching children to obey the rules. Spanking children in school is still practiced in some locations, although it is not the norm in most US schools at this time. Although spanking in schools is disallowed in most states and counties, approximately 65% of parents do spank their children. However, today's parents are interested in positive means of disciplining their children. Furthermore, parents who do occasionally spank do not use spanking as the only means of discipline. To increase the effectiveness of positive discipline, it is important to understand the following:

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

self-discipline
consistency
rational consequences

Step 1

children are great imitators

EFFECTIVE CHILD DISCIPLINE TAKES SELF DISCIPLINE: Take notice of your own MO (mode of operation)

Parents typically discipline their children the way they discipline themselves. If rules are kept to avoid punishment, then punishment will be the primary means of disciplining your child. On the other hand, if rules are kept because there is an understanding of why the rules are important, then there is a different attitude about keeping the rules (think of traffic laws, for example).

What you do speaks louder than what you say. Children imitate what they see. Sometimes we, as parents, have to adjust our own behavior in order to help our children learn to behave appropriately and acceptably in society.
Step 2

CONSISTENCY IS KEY: avoid intermittent reward

Positive child discipline can be compared with gambling. If every time you purchased a scratch off ticket, without exception, you won nothing, how long would you keep buying scratch off tickets? On the other hand, since you win something on every 3rd or 4th ticket, you are likely to keep buying scratch off tickets in the hopes of that big win. Intermittent reward leads to habits that are hard to extremely difficult to break. If a child is able to break the rules sometimes without consequences, then the reward may be great enough for that child to continue the undesirable behavior.
Step 3

CONSEQUENCES SHOULD MATCH THE INFRACTION

A very young child, toddler or preschooler, does not have a fully developed conscience, so their behavior will not be based upon internal guides, but rather upon what they are taught. To help your child develop a conscience and the ability to make positive choices out of a desire to be part of a healthy, happy society, use discipline instead of punishment, and make the disciplinary measure match the infraction committed by the child.

With very young children, removing them from a situation is sometimes all that you can do. When removing the child from a situation, a stern voice with simple words is most effective. (e.g. No. We do not kick the cat.)

Time out should be practiced by the time a child is old enough to walk. There should be a special time out chair or place. The child should be placed in time out for one minute for each year of age. Give an explanation for why your child is being placed in time out, but again, keep it short and simple.

Of course, as children get older, it is easier to match the consequences wiht the infraction. (e.g. If your child didn't do his homework because he was playing games, then take away the games until the behavior improves.)