How to come out of the closet--ANY closet

In 2001, at the age of 31, I came out of the closet. I told my family and friends that I was gay. Fortunately, my family and friends were loving and supportive. They continued to love me unconditionally. More importantly, however, I began to love and accept myself in a very profound and new way.

Since then, I've learned that many of us live in closets--all kinds of closets. We hide many truths about ourselves, and in doing so, we limit our ability to truly love others, to find healing in our lives, and to love ourselves.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Courage and strength. In many cases, you'll need to dig deep to reserves of strength you didn't know you had.
• Desire to be completely honest with yourself and those you love.
• A support system, therapist, 12-step group, good friends.

1. COME OUT TO YOURSELF!
   Start by being truly honest with yourself about what you are hiding. What are you keeping in the closet? There's a good chance you haven't been honest with yourself. Turn on the light of the closet and see yourself there. Before you can open the door, you must first acknowledge the truth to yourself. I remember looking in the mirror, gazing right into my own eyes, and saying aloud, "I'm gay!"

2. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP!
   If you're in the closet about an addiction issue, an eating disorder, past abuse, or anything else that is potentially harmful, get help--right away! I saw a therapist as I was coming out as a homosexual man. I found the assistance of a professional therapist to be invaluable as I was being honest with myself.

3. COME OUT TO A SELECT FRIEND or FAMILY MEMBER FIRST.
   Choose one person to tell first. I told my good friend Amy because I knew how she'd respond. I knew Amy would be loving and supportive. And I knew she'd offer me support and encouragement as I came out to my family. I also knew she'd keep me accountable. I knew she'd make sure I didn't hop back into the comfort of the closet.

4. COME OUT ALL THE WAY!
   When you're ready, tell the rest of the people in your life. Tell people on a "need-to-know" basis. You don't have to tell everyone and his dog your business. But, do tell the people who are closest to you. Say it even if you fear rejection or are certain that the news will not be welcomed. You owe it to yourself to free yourself from the burden of hiding your truths. Remember, you cannot control how others will react or how they may treat you after hearing the truth. When I came out, some of my friends stopped talking to me. I felt hurt, but I realized that loving myself and embracing my true self was more important.

5. PROCESS--REFLECT-- BREATHE
   Once you've started the process of coming out or your closet and have experienced a myriad of reactions, take time to process your feelings, to reflect on the outcomes, and to breathe. Realize that you are still alive. You are still safe. You have the support and love of many people. Talk to your therapist about any negative reactions you may have received, and decide if and how you'd like to respond.

6. CELEBRATE
   Take time to acknowledge the important step you have taken in honoring who you are. If you are on the road to recovery, take stock of the progress you are making and set goals. If you are finally able to be your true, authentic self, celebrate that! I "Came Out" on September 7, 2000. I celebrate my Coming Out Day as I would a birthday. In many ways, it is the day I gave birth to myself--my true, authentic self!

Tips & Warnings

• I cannot emphasize the value of having a supportive and understanding therapist.
• Be prepared for the inevitable changes ahead. Nurture yourself. Eat well. Sleep well. Exercise.
• Acknowledge that you have the supreme right to be happy, to be healthy, and to be your authentic self. No one has the right to take that away.
• Once you come out of your closet, you can NEVER go back inside.
• There will be some people who will wish you were still in the closet. Remember to let each person own his or her own shame and guilt. You have released yourself of yours!
• Be prepared to end some relationships and to step away from others to allow for healing to enter in. Some people will not be able to handle your honesty.
• Seek professional help if you feel you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else.

[starlet67]

on 5/30/2009 Very well written with wise tips for coming out of the closet!5*