How to Remain Friends After Divorce

Friendly cup of tea

Divorce affects everyone who knows the couple who have deemed it necessary to lead separate lives. This does not mean that they can't remain friends with some work attached to them both. Personally, I managed this, so my first hand tips work well.

Instructions

1. Give your divorced spouse time to do some healing without pushing anything on him or her immediately. Even being your friend might be too much to ask right away. The time might be several months or longer. Let that wound heal, for that person, without expectations of being the friend you want, too soon.

2. Remaining friends after divorce can be a real help to everyone, including the children, if there are any from that marriage that is dissolved. Consider a pact to yourself not to talk about the other divorced person in a negative way. Make a pact to say good or nothing. If you need to bash the other person, do so in private.

3. The label of "Former" is nicer sounding for a friend than "EX". Practice saying that as if you will be talking to your friend, the Former partner or spouse.

4. If forgiveness is anyway at all possible, forgive your former spouse and most of all forgive yourself since you will need that too.

5. When the friendship forms, treat it like a friendship and not a former lover, partner, confidant or any of the things you actually had with that person. They are a friend, not what they were to you in that other part of your life with them.

6. They are not made over, you are accepting them as a friend. Try to leave the past, right there, in the past. If you actually need a breather when they are around, leave for a walk, go into another room or breathe deeply knowing this is no longer permanent living with this friend.

7. If your friend, after the divorce, offers to assist you in some project, accept it if you can, offer to pay them and be thankful too. Do not depend on them to do things for you for nothing unless they refuse payment. Do not take unfair advantage of that former spouse who is now a friend.

8. Construct boundaries for comfort for yourself during holidays or family gatherings. If your former spouse is dating and you wish to exclude that person, ask to have only family present. Ask before showing up with your date too. Don't expect this new friend to accept your other friends without telling them of the planned meeting. On your list compile what things are important for your happiness, safety, and healing. Let the former spouse know your boundaries and expect them to honor your requests. Make them reasonable so they can be followed.

9. Do not allow your former spouse to come and go in the apartment or home you are living in now. When dating is on your horizon, you do not want your new friend unexpectantly, interrupting dinner with your date. You will prevent that from needing to be discussed if you state that request for announcement before you are asked why they cannot come over a specific day. Friends protect the feelings of friends too. Some former partners heal faster than others.