Things You'll Need:
- Getting out of your head!
-
Step 1
Approach anxiety can really handcuff your dating life. Approach anxiety is that nasty feeling you get that starts in your head, moves to your stomach, and then overcomes your entire body. Some people get it so bad that they have to leave the bar and go home.
It is the same biological reaction your body would have if someone pointed a gun at you or if you felt your life was threatened. It is your body telling you that you are about to enter a possibly risky situation.
The truth is that approach anxiety is technically just your body doing what it is designed to do. In caveman days you needed to avoid risky situations and in order to facilitate this your brain would send signals of pain and anxiety in disproportionate levels to the actual risk to make the organism take action and remove itself form the perceived risk.
This system is thousands of years old and somewhat unnecessary in today's world. The brains evolution has not caught up with society. This means that your brain is giving you way more anxiety then necessary in the times when you are trying to approach women. Approach anxiety is nothing more than 10,000 year old circuitry. Your not weird or weak, it's actually a sign that you are operating quite healthy. -
Step 2
One thing you can to do beat this painful feeling is to start by changing the meaning of going out. Instead of saying to yourself, "I need to meet women." Try telling yourself, "I'm going to be talkative in general tonight."
Approach anxiety is partly due to unreasonable goals. Telling yourself that you need to go over there and attract that beautiful women in the corner of the bar is a goal that would make anyone nervous. Changing your goal to just being talkative is a nice first step. -
Step 3
The next thing you can do to combat approach anxiety is what we call "warming up." What you do is basically start out your night asking functional questions. "Do you know where the bathroom is?" "Do you know the cross streets to this bar?" etc.
Then move on to talking to the staff. Talk to the bartender, the waitress, the hostess, etc. You should be talking to men and women. The goal is to get you in a conversational mood. You can turn up the heat later once you have warmed up.
Most guys get approach anxiety because they don't warm up. The walk into the bar and see a beautiful woman and think they should be able to walk over to her and land her in one short conversation. That is unrealistic. You should be more focused on talking to everyone and noticing the momentum that builds.
Comments
IcyCucky said
on 7/21/2009 I have this fear for years! Not only dating, but with everyone else also..Thanks!