How to Plan a Bengali Wedding

At Bengali weddings, the fun lasts for days

If you're reading this article, chances are you already know the origins of the Bengali wedding (also known as the Bengladeshi wedding) are steeped in centuries of ritual and that the event is not so much a day-long event---as in western society---but rather days of ceremonies, parties and sacred exchanges that oftentimes resemble a Bollywood production. If you're staging this multi-day event, prepare to decorate several venues in splendid color, help the bride shop for her wardrobe changes, prepare delicious Indian dishes and marvel at the influx of lavish gifts guaranteed to keep the newlyweds in comfort as they launch their personal "happily ever after."

Things You'll Need

• Invitations to multiple events
• Decorations and flowers
• Traditional food and drink
• An Iman to conduct the ceremony
• Marriage contract and dowry
• Henna dye
• Holud paste
• Two ceremonial chairs
• Yards of fabric to create separate vow-taking areas (optional)

Instructions

1. Work with the bride and groom to establish a game plan for the multiple venues and rituals required to make this wedding a glorious event for all. Pick a four-day window for the events, select invitations and book an Iman to perform the ceremonies and help the bride choose attire for all of the events taking place in conjunction with the nuptials.

2. Arrange to host the bride's first ritual on day one: her Gayer Holud. The day begins when henna designs are painted on the bride's hands and feet. Guests then enjoy watching the bride open gifts that run the gamut from clothing to makeup. The groom's family and friends hand-deliver her trousseau and bring gifts for her family. Since Gayer Holud translates as "body dye," henna is just the first medium applied on this symbolic day. Guests who bestow blessings on her also apply Holud---a paste of turmeric powder and milk---to the bride's skin. You will want to provide traditional Indian refreshments for this daylong celebration.

3. Plan for the groom's Gayer Holud. This event mirrors the bride's, but it's held at a separate venue. The groom receives blessings in the form of Holud applications while he opens gifts sent by the bride's family. Think of the groom's Gayer Holud as a bachelor party. When you plan it, make sure there's plenty of room for dancing and fun---and if you attend, stand ready for a long night that usually ends with guests slinging leftover turmeric paste around the room. Modern couples are choosing to combine Gayer Holud parties. If you wish to do so to save money or accommodate tight time schedules, this is perfectly acceptable.

4. Decorate a large venue for the actual wedding day, known as the Biye. You'll need to arrange for two different seating areas---one each for the bride and groom. Use silk and satin fabrics to create the division if two large rooms aren't available. The couple will take their vows separately, then the Iman witnesses the couple signing their Islamic marriage documents and oversees the Mahr---a gift of cash, land or jewelry bestowed upon the bride by her groom at the time of their marriage.

5. Schedule the next part of the Bengali wedding to take place later in the day or on a third day. The couple is now officially married, so this event will be a tribute to their vows and a celebration of two lives having become one. Place chairs side-by-side in a prominent place so the couple can "oversee" their wedding party and all of the traditional rituals associated with this event. It's tradition for the groom's party to arrive or appear later than the bride's and when they do get there, the tradition of "baraath" requires that a ransom be paid to the bride's family before the groom's guests may join the party. The newlyweds will drink from the same glass and exchange flower garlands. The groom's relatives will probably steal his shoes and hold them ransom.

6. Obtain a venue for the Boubhath ceremony. This final event is held any time after the party described in Step 4 and may take place any time between day four and a few weeks after the Biye. As the wedding planner, the date choice will be up to you and the couple. The Boubhath is hosted by the groom's family and staged to welcome the new bride. Food, dancing and fun are the order of the day, though it's hard to believe the casual conclusion to this elaborate festival will find guests as filled with energy as they were on day one.

Resources

• Read about other brides and grooms celebrating Bengali style
• Find loads of traditional Bengali wedding recipes here
• Learn more about how to plan a Bengali wedding