How to Prevent Your Child from being Cyber-Bullied

Bullying still occurs in the usual places; classrooms, bathrooms, hallways and cafeterias, on playgrounds and school buses, and sometimes on walks to and from school.

However, these days bullying occurs increasingly on the Internet. Students can use personal Web pages, e-mail, instant messaging, text messaging on phones, and Internet chat rooms to spread rumors and harmful pictures as well as threats and intimidation.

A recent report from www.StopBullyingnowhrsa.gov indicated that among students in grades 6-8:

Girls were about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying.
Of those students who had been cyber-bullied relatively frequently (at least twice in the last couple of months):
*62% said that they had been cyber-bullied by another student at school
*46% had been cyber-bullied by a friend
*55% didn't know who had cyber-bullied them
Of those students who admitted cyber bullying others relatively frequently:
*60% had cyber-bullied another student at school
*56% had cyber-bullied a friend

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Time to talk to your child.
• Vigilance
• Computer software that monitors your child's activities on line (if desired)

1. Keep your home computer(s) in easily viewable places , such as a family room or kitchen.
   
   Keeping the computer in site can help to discourage inappropriate actions on line and can help you to monitor your child's time on line.

2. Talk regularly with your child about on-line activities he or she is involved in.
   
   Review the screen names of the people your child is communicating with. Ask your child to identify the people behind the screen names. More often than not, there is at least one person on that list that is not personally known to your child. It could be a friend of a friend or a stranger. Talk to you child about the dangers of communicating with people they don't know, even if they seem harmless and friendly on line.

3. Encourage your child to tell you if he or she is aware of others who may be the victims of such behavior.
   
   This helps to open the line of communication with your child about their own experiences on line, should a problem ever arise. Encourage your child to tell anyone they know who may be the victim of cyber-bullying to talk to their own parents or to a trusted adult at school. Many schools can now get involved in cyber situations if those involved go to the same school. Usually this type of situation is not strictly limited to online activities.

4. Explain that cyber bullying is harmful and unacceptable behavior. Outline your expectations for responsible online behavior and make it clear that there will be consequences for inappropriate behavior.
   
   If necessary, find an internet use contract online. There are several contracts between parents and children included in the newer WORD programs. Come to an agreement about how much time you child can spend online in social activities (not homework) and who they are allowed to communicate with. Post the signed contract prominently in your computer space to remind both of you of your agreement.

5. Although adults must respect the privacy of children and youth, concerns for your child’s safety may sometimes override these privacy concerns. Tell your child that you may review his or her on-line communications if you think there is reason for concern.
   
   You should know all of your child's screen names and passwords. You are the adult in the house and if your child wants the privilege of using the computer, they should agree to provide you with a current list of names and passwords.
   
   HOWEVER: Do not just peruse your child's emails and IM's to satisfy your own curiosity - allow them some measure of respect. Check on them occasionally and if you think there's a specific problem.

6. Consider installing parental control filtering software and/or tracking programs, but don’t rely solely on these tools.
   
   There are also several programs available that allow you to pop-in and view your child's screen from your own computer, or that will send you text or email messages if your child visits inappropriate website - or even if they use inappropriate language. An internet search can lead you to many of these programs, some as little as $100 per year.

7. If your child is receiving threatening or inappropriate material via the internet, print the material and save it as evidence for the administrators at your child's school, or for more serious matters, for local law enforcement. Make sure you talk to your child and get the FULL story, as reporting something can lead to incriminating your child as well, if the threats were returned. Do not hesitate to contact authorities if you feel your child is in imminent danger!

8. Be a good role model for your child. Do not get involved in online drama with their friends - or yours. Do not use social networking sites to argue with people (especially those annoying X-es in our lives). Be respectful and kind to others, and keep adult surfing (if you must), etc. to a time when your children are tucked safely in their beds.

9. When it comes to cell phone use and texting... Teach your child that text messaging, much like internet conversation, carries no tone or intonation, so things can be easily misconstrued by the recipient. It is very difficult to track text messages, because once they are deleted, they cannot be retrieved. If your child is receiving threats on his or her cell phone, take the phone to school administration so that they can view the messages. You can also take a picture of the screen to save the messages.
   
   As a parent who pays for the cell phone, you are entitled to just ask for the phone occasionally (right there on the spot) to check on they type of messages your child is sending and receiving.

Tips & Warnings

• If your child is being bullied, assess the situation quickly and calmly, gather information and take action. Children need to know that you take the situation seriously and will help stop bullying.
• Children and teenagers should not have social networking accounts or pages. There is a reason there are age-limits set on these sites - and no matter how private you think they are, they aren't. It doesn't matter if all of their friends have them... you are the parent in your household - be responsible for your children.

[jhkcpa]

on 5/22/2009 Information every parent with school age children should be aware of. 5*