How to Empower a Child Who is Being Bullied

Don't assume that your child couldn't be a victim of bullying or wait until your child is being bullied to take action.

Don't wait for your child to bring it up, either. He or she may not due to fear of repercussion or embarrassment.

As the parent, or responsible adult, you must take the lead in preventing bullying.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Uninterrupted time to speak with your children.
• Support from your child's school.

1. Don't react to the bullying. Bullies may give up if they don't get attention.
   
   Bullies are bullies because they need to feel important and they thrive on attention - even negative attention.
   Bullies make us angry, scared, frustrated and mad... but it's important to try to hold in your reactions to a bully until you can get away from them. If the bully does not get the desired reaction from their victim, they will usually move on.

2. Don't fight back.
   
   I know a lot of parents tell their children, "If someone hits you, hit them back." This is not the proper response. It's old school and it can get your child into a lot of trouble. Of course, you want them to defend themselves, but here is what I tell the thousands of children I speak to in schools every year:
   
   *If a bully hits you and you hit back, it is now a fight, not a bullying situation in the school's eye. Both participants in a fight receive some level of disciplinary action. YOUR OBLIGATION IS TO GET AWAY!!!
   
   *If a bully hits, kicks, or shoves you - get away from them as quickly as possible. If you are able to run/walk away from the bully, do so. Head for the closest adult. Again... you have to try to get away, not fight back.
   
   *If a bully attacks you and you are backed into a corner, or down on the ground where you cannot get away... THEN do whatever you have to in order to protect yourself. That is within your rights of the law and constitutes a case for self-defense.

3. Try role-playing or practice what you'll say to a bully, such as, "I want you to stop now."
   
   Holding up your hand is the universal symbol for "STOP!" I advise children to put up their stop hand and say very loudly and clearly - "NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!" This accomplishes three things: 1) It establishes a physical barrier between you and the bully (your person safe space); 2) It tells the bully very clearly that you are not one to mess with, you won't be tolerating the bullying; 3) Saying your NO! very loudly will likely draw adult attention to the situation. Practice doing this together until your child is comfortable with being loud and establishing their own space.

4. Show confidence with your head held high.
   
   Look the bully in the eye. Do not put your head down. The bully will take this as a sign that they have established dominance over their victim. Keeping your head up and not showing an emotional reaction for the bully may make them back down.

5. Stick with a friend while on the bus, in the cafeteria, between classes, or while walking to and from school.
   
   Bully's do not like crowds. Their goal is to single out someone who is alone as an intended victim. If you know where bullies hang out, try to avoid those areas. Take a different route and make sure you are not alone.

6. Talk to an adult. Parents, teachers, principals and guidance counselors can help you stop the bullying.
   
   Do not be afraid that adults will think less of you if you go to them for help. That's what adults are for. Bullying situations can be very frightening, and no one expects a child to handle a bully on their own. Talk to a trusted adult, or school professionals... and especially your parents, who can help you with your situation. If it helps, talk to a friend and ask them to go with you when you talk to an adult. Especially if your friend has witnessed the bullying.

7. Try to meet classmates who are friendly and supportive and who will include you in their activities.

Tips & Warnings

• PARENTS: DO NOT TELL YOUR CHILD THAT BULLYING IS JUST A PART OF GROWING UP AND THEY JUST NEED TO "DEAL" WITH IT!!!
• Don't simply brush off bullying as a rite of passage, and don't leave your child to handle it alone. A black eye or bloody nose may heal quickly, but psychological and emotional wounds from bullying may last a lifetime.
• Don't expect your child to handle bullying by himself or herself. Early intervention when your child faces bullying can help prevent lasting problems, such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.
• DO NOT: Tell your child that if someone hits them to hit back.
• DO NOT: Confront the bully yourself. Adults should talk to ADULTS... not children. If you confront the bully yourself, you are not enabling your child to gain skills to protect themselves. Also, many adults find themselves in legal trouble when they confront children in these situations, Go to the school or to law enforcement for assistance. They are professionals at handling these situations.