How to Converse Effectively

Comfortable, productive conversation takes practice to master. Shy people may find it difficult to start a conversation or to converse effectively once they do. Not to worry. If you follow a few basic tips, you can chat with anyone for hours on end. More importantly, you can convey your thoughts extremely effectively, and in turn hear what the other person says just as clearly.

Instructions

1. When you first meet with someone, look him in the eye and shake his hand firmly, radiating positive emotions. The first step toward effective conversation is displaying optimism and confidence. Even if you're extremely nervous, the other person isn't going to bite. He may even be as nervous as you are. Use facial expressions and quiet body language to let him know he's a welcome presence.

2. Begin with simple small talk. Ask about the other person's job, hobbies or family, and listen thoughtfully to his responses. You're trying to glean information about what interests him, then build on it to form a more in-depth conversation. Look for topics that may be of mutual interest--passions you may share, mutual parenting adventures, basic thoughts about the topic at hand and so on.

3. Once you are more familiar with your speaker, gradually delve into more serious topics. If you're engaged in a business meeting, speak about the subject you came to discuss--pointing out your position, identifying the problem or positing a mutually beneficial solution. For more social conversations, speak in more detail about topics of mutual interest, or topics that appeal to the other person. Allow him to speak without interrupting, and expect the same in return. Listen to what he says, and respond in friendly, conversational terms.

4. When the conversation draws to a close--either because the topic has been resolved or time is running short--wrap things up elegantly. Finish up whatever you have to say and listen appreciatively to the other person if he has any final remarks. Thank him for his time and tell him that it was nice to meet him if that's appropriate. Excuse yourself with a few brief words--nothing in-depth, but enough to acknowledge the conversation's conclusion--and shake his hand again before departing.

Tips & Warnings

• Listening is an important part of any conversation. You're engaged in two-way communication--a give and take that depends as much on the other person as it does on you. Respond to what the other person says and allow him the time to form his phrases eloquently. You'll set him at ease much more readily.

• Speak honestly and openly. While decorum prohibits you from broaching any uncomfortable topics, it pays to be yourself. Say what you want to say rather than what you think the other person wants to hear. A natural honest expression--couched within the tenets of diplomacy and openmindedness--will facilitate effective conversation better than evasion or duplicity.