How to Understand Why Victims Stay in Abusive Relationships

A victim of abuse does not always get out at the first signs of that abuse. A victim can stay in an abusive relationship for the rest of their life. Here is at least a bit of information to explain why victims of abuse stay.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Victims of abuse can either have grown up in with or without abuse. A Victim who grew up with abuse will almost always find an abusive partner and will stay much longer if not for good.

2. A victim who did not grow up with abuse becomes a victim through love. The way abusers work is through weaknesses. After the victim falls in love with the abuser and the relationship is fairly solid the abuse slowly begins. It starts with mistakes. The abuser picks on the victim for any mistake that victim makes. Usually when the victim makes a mistake the abuser calls the victim stupid.

3. We are all insecure in some way or other. Abusers get to know these weaknesses and use them against their victims. If the victim is nervious about cooking a meal, the abuser will declare the meal as inadequate just to make the victim feel bad.

4. The abuser will also tell the victim that there is no one who wants them and no place for them to go. The victim starts to believe this and becomes paralized. The victim comes to believe that there is no escaping the abuser. The abuser may even threaten to hurt the victim's family if the victim leaves.

5. Many abusers also threaten to hurt or kill themselves if the victim leaves. This is a play on the victim's emotions. Again the victim loves or at least loved their abuser and the victim does not want to bring harm to their abuser.

6. The abuser will also take the victim's money and control their valuables and keep tabs on the victim. Essentially, the victim will feel totally controlled by the abuser.

7. The abuse will escalate in most cases to physical violence. The physical violence will further confirm the victim's fears for their family. It will also make the victim fear the abuser even more and feel even more paralized.

Tips & Warnings

• Victims who grew up without abuse are more likely to realize that escape is possible. Victims who were abused as children may never believe that life can exist without abuse.
• Any victim can get out of an abusive relationship, but it is very difficult and extremely frightening.
• Many abusers end up killing their victims during the escape process or when they realize that the victim is thinking of escaping.

[beatendown]

on 8/12/2009 I have been going through mental abuse for 10 years. My husband is bi polar and refused to take his medicine. Now I fear the abuse has gone so far I don't know how to get back on track. I feel numb and in shock. My husband is a 911 survivor. He used this to advantage. He always threaten suicide if I left.(9 times) He controlled me like a puppet because he used 911 as his weapon. It only caused the mental abuse to be worse. His control was so horrific that I attempted suicide. I am beaten down.