How to Have Big Hair

We of the Faery Court live in a time when a Lady's hair is her crowning glory. I must say, I despair of the mortals' sense of fashion. Flat, lank locks just cannot compare with a full head of curls, studded with jewels, bird's nests, ships in full sail, towers with banners, or whole armies shooting at each other from across the ballroom.
I am sure mortals would want nothing more than full manes of hair rippling in the wind, forming clouds around their heads, or blazing like a halo in the sunshine. Let me tell you my secrets to Big Hair Paradise.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Big hair shampoo
• Curling shampoo
• baking soda
• Vitamin B, for stress
• Zinc
• Pantothenic acid...or Pantomime...or whatever
• Protein powder -- not what you put on you face 7 layers thick
• Drink protein smoothies made with fruits of the earth
• Hairspray!

1. 
   Dreadful!

   What ever you do, do not use conditioner if you have fine hair!
   I repeat: Do not use conditioner if you have fine hair!
   It will make you hair without tangle and without much of anything else either.
   Look at this!

2. Wash hair with thickening shampoo.I favor Mark Anthony, but who doesn't?
   If you MUST use conditioner, use it after you rinse this out.
   Next put a small amount of baking soda on your hand and a dollop of curling shampoo.
   Wash your hair and lie back if you are bathing...I wouldn't do anything else...perhaps have a glass of port wine while you wait, or wash your face with rose petals...
   Rinse.

3. 
   Both sides now

   Towel dry making sure you arrange the hair so balances on both sides of your head. You don't want one side fluffy and one side flat, unless you plan a castle on a cliff with woods or a shrubbery behind.
   Spray freeze spray into the roots so the hair will lift away from your head

4. 

   When your hair is dry, comb it loosely.
   I use a good leave-in conditioner at this stage (All the world's a stage isn't it?) It is easier to control and doesn't make your hair FLAT.
   Back comb it at the roots, and in the midst of your hair is long.
   Use hairspray liberally to hold it in gravity defying altitude. I have been known to use half a can of glue made of cows hooves.

5. 

   Fortify your hair with protein smoothies, and the vitamins listed above. It MUST be able to survive whatever abuse you throw at it. Beauty does not come naturally. It takes chemicals and sprays and inordinate amounts of excruciating pain. Why do you think I am so bad tempered at times? A woman's temper is the sole indicator of her beauty.

6. 

   Admire yourself in the mirror. Pat yourself on the back. You have come a long way in the beauty stakes.

Tips & Warnings

• Stress is very bad for hair. You may have times when no matter what you do, it just hangs like flax on a distaff. Change shampoos or use a big dose of conditioner. It will simply require more hairspray to get it big again.
• Do not inhale too much while spraying your hair. In fact a clothes pin on the nose is a good tool to use in case you are tempted to breathe. And NEVER breath with your mouth open! It is so unladylike!