How to Reconcile With a Cheating Spouse

Attending couples therapy may help you reconcile with a cheating spouse.

One of the quickest and easiest ways to end a marriage is through cheating. Emotions run high and reconciliation may seem out of the question right away. When cheating occurs, the other spouse feels hurt and betrayed. Additionally, the spouse often feels like a victim. After all, she has just been hurt by the person she confides in most. Trusting the cheating spouse is difficult for that injured person. It may be challenging to rebuild a broken marriage after infidelity, but it's not impossible.

Instructions

1. See a marriage counselor to assist you and your spouse in repairing your relationship. A therapist can you give you both the tools necessary to regain trust.

2. Ask your spouse for some time to heal. Infidelity changes circumstances and people. Your marriage won't return to the way it was before the cheating just because he apologizes for his bad behavior. Accept this fact and work each day to rebuild the broken relationship.

3. Wait for your spouse to accept responsibility for his cheating ways. Don't allow your cheating spouse to blame you for his actions. Tell your spouse that you won't be a victim or at fault for his behavior.

4. Talk with your spouse honestly and openly about why he cheated on you. Ask the hard questions. Find out the reasons he decided to cheat. For instance, ask questions related to the lack of sex in the marriage, arguments, boredom, financial stress or sexual addiction. Find out if cheating is a form of payback for marital issues that haven't been resolved. Try to determine the emotional and physical needs being neglected in the marriage on both sides. Once you can find the reason for his indiscretions, you can work on fixing those issues missing in your relationship.

5. Spend more time with your spouse. Once you can start to forgive your cheating spouse, try to rediscover the passion, chemistry and romance you once had.

Tips & Warnings

• If you have children, don't use them as a tool to force your spouse to reconcile your differences. This strategy only leads to resentment.

References

• Repair Your Marriage After Your Affair: So You Had an Affair and You Want To Repair Your Marriage
• "Hope For the Separated: Marriages Can Be Healed"; Gary Chapman; 2005

Resources

• Mining For Gold Marriage: Marriage Affairs: When Not To Reconcile
• J. Lee Jagers: Reconciling a Marriage After an Affair