How to Respect Your Husband Without Being a Door Mat: The Key to a Happy Marriage
I used to cringe every time I would hear someone mention the "S" word...Submit. Sometimes I still do. Young and naive, I read a lot of books when I first got married, and to be honest they only caused me to become confused, and eventually to lose my own identity. There is so much more to being a wife than submission. Read the following steps to find out how to have a truly happy marriage.
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Instructions
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Remember that the entire Bible is still relevant to wives, not only the verses that talk about submission. I actually read a book once that basically said to learn to say "yes" to your husband more often. I tried this terrible advise one weekend when my husband asked me if I wanted to go camping. I said, "yes" even though I was super tired and definitely did not want to go. The trip turned out to be a horrible experience, and later my husband was hurt that I had not been honest with him about my feelings. I realized that I had lied to him, breaking one of the Ten Commandments! This was definitely not what God intended for me as a wife.
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Learn about the differences between men and women. I love the book by Shaunti Feldhahn entitled: "For Women Only." It is a book based on surveys from men of different backgrounds, and her findings were the same--men feel loved through respect, and they would actually prefer to be respected by everyone and loved by no one! This explains so clearly why the Bible tells husbands to love their wives, and be willing to die for them, but it tells wives to submit (respect) their husbands.
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Understand that submission to your husband does not mean letting him be a tyrannical jerk. Remember that the entire Bible is still relevant, and so if he is doing something that is clearly against Scripture, it is your job to speak up. (Remember Ananias and Sapphira! Acts 5) Galatians 6:1 says, "Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path."
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Understand why respecting your husband is so important, and how to practice it on a regular basis. Have you ever wondered why some men leave their wives for a less attractive woman? Picture this circumstance: at home his wife is constantly criticizing him. "Why don't you ever take out the garbage? Can't you spend more time with the kids? Do you have to work late again? Why can't we ever afford anything?" etc. Now picture the woman at work who says, "Wow, you were brilliant with that last sales pitch! It's amazing how you work so hard all of the time and still make it to all of your kid's games." To a man, believing in his abilities and building him up is what respect is. Be the one who builds up your husband, and he will suddenly be drawn to you.
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Remember not to lose your own identity. Your husband fell in love with you because of who you are. Keep on being the person God created you to be. Keep on pursuing your interests. Keep on growing in your faith, and most importantly--don't think your husband will be able to fulfill you. God is the one you must rely on to meet all of your needs.
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Don't try to change your husband by nagging at him. I have learned over the years that the only way for men to truly change is through prayer. Keep on praying for your husband, and you will see God work.
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Tips & Warnings
Some other books I have found helpful are: "The Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman, "Loving Your Husband" by Cynthia Heald, and "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian.
If your husband is physically or verbally abusive, get help! Don't go it alone. Abuse is not only wrong, it is illegal!
